"Michael Stackpole "I, Jedi"" - читать интересную книгу автора

УWhat'.) Why have you violated my sanctuary?Ф
УJust the thing I wanted to talk with you about.Ф I stroked my goatee and began pacing back and forth before him. УI checked New Republic law. Property claims are abandoned well shy of four millennia. As a result, I've filed a claim for this place, and now it's mine. I'd love to have you stick around, but your statue is right where the wife will want the entertainment center. You understand, don't you?Ф
УYou insolent bug!Ф Kun opened his shadowy arms wide.
УYou prattle on as if your wit can armor you against my might.Ф
УAnd you think you can hurt me?Ф I scoffed at him. УThis is your eviction notice.Ф
УYou're playing with powers more titanic than you could ever know.Ф
УSave the threats.Ф I yawned. УI've been going over all the stuff you've done, and I've figured out your weakness. While disembodied, you can't affect the physical world.Ф
Kun's expression darkened. УNo?Ф
I shook my head. УNo.Ф
УAh, then I cannot do this.Ф The wraith waved an ethereal hand and sparks shot from each of the explosive packets I'd scattered about. Blue flames flared as the detonators each melted.
Just like the Jedi Holocron/
My nose closing against the stink of melted plastic, I glanced up at Kun. УOoops.Ф
Kun flicked a finger at me, sending me whirling across the courtyard. I tried to gather the Force around me to protect myself, but the shock at my error kept me from it. I slammed into an obsidian wall and heard a bone in my right forearm crack. I clutched the limb to my chest, but Kun spun me again, smashing my flank into a low wall. Ribs crunched with that impact and I felt something inside go, as well.
Kun was enjoying himself, probably for the first time in mil-lennia, the very thought of which made me vomit. Kun's laugh-ter echoed through his stronghold as he pitched me around, dancing me and rolling me back and forth across the courtyard. I thought his actions were haphazard, especially when he lifted me into the air, then dashed me down, shattering my left leg, but even through the pain I had a clarity of mind. He wanted me thinking, not dead, yet, and that made my stomach roll again.
Eventually, like a child tiring of a toy, he let me go. I slumped to my side and involuntarily flinched as his shade came to cover me. УJust because you never saw me affect the mate-rial world, it doesn't mean I couldn't. And even if it is some-thing of an effort to do so, here, in my stronghold, it is a pleasure beyond your possible ken.Ф
I let my words hiss out between clenched teeth. УI think I'll put a wideview holoprojector right where you're standing.Ф
УChildish jokes from a childish mind.Ф He gestured casually and all the explosive charges I'd placed sailed out of the temple and splashed in the black lake. Glancing down at me, Kun let his voice become icy. УYou could have been raised to the level of divinity by my hand. Now you will be destroyed by it.Ф
Even before I could taunt him again, he gestured and I felt a presence behind me. I rolled over and saw Mirax standing there, her eyes full of fire. УI should have known, CorSec, that you would abandon me. You said you wanted me more than you wanted your Jedi heritage. I gave you all that I am. I want to bear your children. This is how you repay me'? You leave me alone, all alone, dying alone; while you play games with rocks and pictures'?Ф
The vehemence in her voice ripped straight through me. It collapsed my stomach and shoved it out through my spine. I wrapped my hands around my belly and hunched forward. УNo, Mirax, no!Ф
The wailing calls of all the infants who had died on Carida swirled around me to accompany her voice. УHear them, Cor-ran. They are your sons, your daughters. They are the children you have denied to the world. You accused Exar Kun of being a fool because he destroys life, but you are more of a fool. You could have created it. With me. If you wanted me. If you truly loved me.Ф
I hugged my broken arm to fractured ribs, folding around the pain in my middle. I knew she was nothing but an illusion Kun had conjured from my mind, but it seemed too real for me to disbelieve it. Kun was feeding back to me my own image of Mirax, and infusing it with everything I feared. Because the attack came from within, I had no emotional armor with which to shield myself. I heard ill her voice exactly the words that terrified me.
I reached out to her with my left hand, lifting my face toward her. УNo, Mirax, no. I do love you!Ф
УHow can you love her?Ф My father's voice slashed at me from behind. УHer father hired the bounty hunter who mur-dered me. A murder you could have prevented. Was that it? Had she seduced you even then? Were you her creature? Did she lay warm in your arms so I could lay cold in them?Ф
I levered myself around into a sitting position to meet my father's accusing stare, then had to tear my eyes from him. Gone was the man I had known in life. His flesh had become ashen, his eyes holes onto a void. The only color on him came from the blood spurting from his wounds to puddle around him. I heard it splashing from him. I couldn't get the cloying scent out of my nostrils and dreaded the touch of the rivulet slowly snaking its way toward me. УYou know that's not true!Ф УI only know you failed me. You left me to die.Ф
Mirax chimed in. УAs you leave me to die.Ф
My mother's voice joined them. УHe never cared if I died, either.Ф
Laughter, low and cold, echoed from the obsidian walls. I looked up and saw the image of Lujayne Forge, one of my first friends in Rogue Squadron. The right side of her face had been burned away by blaster fire. УHe let me die. He wanted to play the hero, so I paid the price.Ф
УNo!Ф I slammed my right fist against the courtyard stones, breaking it and grinding the bones in my arm. I latched onto the pain and used it to recapture control of my mind. Their accusations bored into me, freeing the part of me that second-guessed everything I did. I knew that piece of me well and loathed it. I could replay conversations in my mind for hours when it held sway, wishing I'd said this, wondering why I'd said that, hoping things would not be taken in the worst way, but dreading the fact that they would. When I began doubting my-self, I was paralyzed. The cycle always built on itself, growing, reviewing more things, until I dissected my whole life. And it continues until I get angly at myself and stop it.
The desire to give in to the anger and cut Exar Kun short almost overwhelmed me. That option hung there, tantalizing me. I could use my anger like a lightsaber. I could slice to ribbons these false spirits, these treacherous phantoms. I would cut down Exar Kun's army, then I would rip into him. He would be nothing before me and my anger. I would sunder him the way my explosives should have sundered his shrine. And then I can find other targets that deserve destruction... I raised my right hand triumphantly, then curled it down into a fist.
Pain jolted through me again and in its wake came outrage. I slammed my hand against the ground and screamed, then shot Exar Kuna sidelong glance. УNo. My anger is not for you to use.Ф
The Dark Lord towered above me. УAnger is a most sweet nectar. Despair will also suffice.Ф
Another phantom congealed before me, looking and feeling and smelling and sounding more real than I was myself. The little boy, all tow-headed and grey-eyed, barely older than Jacen Solo, looked at me with his lower lip quivering. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. He reached out with little stubby-fingered hands and took my broken hand into his.
УWho hurt you, Daddy?Ф His innocent gaze searched my face. УI can make it better. I can. Let me. Please . . .Ф His voice became a plaintive wail that faded with his image. I felt his grip, feathery and gentle, soothing and kind, fading to be replaced with pain. УWhy won't you let me help?Ф
The lump rising in my throat strangled me. Through the boy's fading image I saw Mirax, no longer hateful, standing there. She wore a simple white gown. She rubbed her hands lovingly over her swollen belly, the look on her face one of pure, unadulterated joy. The image shifted slightly as the boy reappeared, older, yet still a child, to place his hand against his mother's rounded stomach.
Then both of their images blew apart into a million razor-edged fragments that burned through me.
УJust as well,Ф I heard my father say, Уany child of that union would have been as disappointing as you have been.Ф
That simple remark detonated like a bomb inside me. I had forever hoped that I would win my father's approval, that he would like me for who and what I was. He was never stinting with his praise, but with his death I had been left trying to guess what he would have thought about this action or that. Even my decision to become a Jedi had been made to win his approval and to model myself on him.
Yet in his voice, I heard that I had failed. The sum and total of my life, the'sum and total of the lives of any children I helped create, and whatever they would create; all of it would be worthless in his eyes. One of the anchor points for my life crumbled, eroding in uncertainty, cutting me adrift without a chance of recovering myself. I was lost.
I was hopeless.
I was the ultimate failure.
I could take no more.
УIs that the best you've got'?Ф The tone of the voice had enough edge to etch transparisteel and would have flensed me alive, but I knew it wasn't directed at me. Through tear-clouded eyes I looked up and saw Mara Jade sauntering into the tem-ple. УBabies crying and ghosts whispering lies from beyond the grave? The Dark Lord of the Sith I knew would have been ashamed to use such tactics.Ф
УWhat?Ф Exar Kun's voice roared, as if in volume and inten-sity it could batter her down. УWho dares?Ф
УWho cares, more correctly.Ф She pointed at me. УHorn here has been worked over by the Empire's best and never broke. Isard would have had you digitized, analyzed and discarded without a second thought, and she wasn't even Force-sensitive. Darth Vader would have found you amusingly quaint, and the Emperor . . . well . . .Ф Mara Jade's eyes flashed mercilessly. УThe Emperor succeeded in destroying the Jedi, so he'd see you as the very definition of failure!Ф
УYes, but your vaunted Emperor is dead!Ф
I found my voice again. УSomething the two of you have in common, then.Ф I shoved myself up and balanced awkwardly on my good leg. УAnd something else: he didn't know when he'd lost, either. It's over!Ф
Kun regarded me anew and I felt his consciousness stab into my brain. It withdrew quickly, as if it had been stung by the thought I had nestled there. Kun laughed aloud. УA trap? You and your companions seek to trap me?Ф
Kun doubled his image's volume and smiled most cruelly at us. УYou think your petty plans will work against me? You thought your coming here would defeat me? Never.Ф He looked away toward the Great Temple, then back down at us. · 'This may have been a brave attempt on your part, but your friends have made a grave error. Their defense of Skywalker is only as strong as the weakest person defending him, and they have left him vulnerable again.Ф
Mara looked at me, clearly alarmed. УWhat's he talking about?Ф
УLuke's hurt.Ф I winced as pain shot through my belly.