"My Sister's Keeper" - читать интересную книгу автора (Picoult Jodie)

CAMPBELL

I'M REMARKABLY CALM, really, until the principal of Ponaganset High School starts to give me a telephone lecture on political correctness. "For God's sake," he sputters. "What kind of message does it send when a group of Native American students names their intramural basketball league The Whiteys?"

"I imagine it sends the same message that you did when you picked the Chieftains as your school mascot."

"We've been the Ponaganset Chieftains since 1970," the principal argues.

"Yes, and they've been members of the Narragansett tribe since they were born."

"It's derogatory. And politically incorrect."

"Unfortunately," I point out, "you can't sue a person for political incorrectness, or clearly you would have been handed a summons years ago. However, on the flip side, the Constitution does protect various individual rights to Americans, including Native Americans—one for assembly, and one for free speech, which suggest that the Whiteys would be granted permission to convene even if your ridiculous threat of a lawsuit managed to make its way to court. For that matter, you may want to consider a class action against humanity in general, since surely you'd also like to stifle the inherent racism implicit in the White House, the White Mountains, and the White Pages." There is dead silence on the other end of the phone. "Shall I assume, then, that I can tell my client you don't plan to litigate afterall'"

After he hangs up on me, I push the intercom button. "Kerri, call Ernie Fishkiller, and tell him he's got nothing to worry about."

As I settle down to the mountain of work on my desk, Judge lets out a sigh. He's asleep, curled like a braided rug to the left of my desk. His paw twitches.

That's the life, she said to me, as we watched a puppy chase its own tail. That's what I want to be next.

I had laughed. You would wind up as a cat, I told her. They don't need  anyone else.

I need you, she replied.

Well, I said. Maybe I'll come back as catnip.

I press my thumbs into the balls of my eyes. Clearly I am not getting enough sleep; first there was that moment at the coffee shop, now this. I scowl at Judge, as if it is his fault, and then focus my attention on some notes I've made on a legal pad. New client—a drug dealer caught by the prosecution on videotape. There's no way out of a conviction on this one, unless the guy has an identical twin his mother kept secret.

Which, come to think of it…

The door opens, and without glancing up I fire a directive at Kerri. "See if you can find some Jenny Jones transcript about identical twins who don't know that they—"Hello, Campbell."

I am going crazy; I am definitely going crazy. Because not five feet away from me is Julia Romano, whom I have not seen in fifteen years. Her hair is longer now, and fine lines bracket her mouth, parentheses around a lifetime of words I was not around to hear. "Julia," I manage.

She closes the door, and at the sound, Judge jumps to his feet. "I'm the guardian ad litem assigned to Anna Fitzgerald's case," she says.

"Providence is a pretty tight place … I kept expecting… Well, I thought for sure we'd run into each other before now."

"It's not all that hard to avoid someone, when you want to," she answers. "You of all people should know." Then, all of a sudden, the anger seems to steam out of her. "I'm sorry. That was totally uncalled for."

"It's been a long time," I reply, when what I really want to do is ask her what she's been doing for the past fifteen years. If she still drinks tea with milk and lemon. If she's happy. "Your hair isn't pink anymore," I say, because I am an idiot.

"No, it's not," she replies. "Is that a problem?"

I shrug. "It's just. Well…" Where are words, when you need them? "I liked the pink," I confess.

"It tends to take away from my authority in a courtroom," Julia admits.

This makes me smile. "Since when do you care what people think of you?"

She doesn't respond, but something changes. The temperature of the room, or maybe the wall that comes up in her eyes. "Maybe instead of dragging up the past, we should talk about Anna," she suggests diplomatically.

I nod. But it feels like we are sitting on the tight bench of a bus with a stranger between us, one that neither of us is willing to admit to or mention, and so we find ourselves talking around him and through him and sneaking glances when the other one isn't looking. How am I supposed to think about Anna Fitzgerald when I'm wondering whether Julia has ever woken up in someone's arms and for just a moment, before the sleep cleared from her mind, thought maybe it was me?

Sensing tension, Judge gets up and stands beside me. Julia seems to notice for the first time that we are not alone in the room. "Your partner?"

"Only an associate," I say. "But he made Law Review." Her fingers scratch Judge behind the ear—goddamn lucky bastard—and grimacing, I ask her to stop. "He's a service dog. He isn't supposed to be petted."

Julia looks up, surprised. But before she can ask, I turn the conversation. "So. Anna." Judge pushes his nose into my palm.

She folds her arms. "I went to see her."

"And?"

"Thirteen-year-olds are heavily influenced by their parents. And Anna's mother seems convinced that this trial isn't going to happen. I have a feeling she might be trying to convince Anna of that, too."

"I can take care of that," I say.

She looks up, suspicious. "How?"

"I'll get Sara Fitzgerald removed from the house."

Her jaw drops. "You're kidding, right?"

By now, Judge has started pulling my clothes in earnest. When I don't respond, he barks twice. "Well, I certainly don't think my client ought to be the one to move out. She hasn't violated the judge's orders. I'll get a temporary restraining order keeping Sara Fitzgerald from having any contact with her."

"Campbell, that's her mother!"

"This week, she's opposing counsel, and if she's prejudicing my client in any way she needs to be ordered not to do so."

"Your client has a name, and an age, and a world that's falling apart—the last thing she needs is more instability in her life. Have you even bothered to get to know her?"

"Of course I have," I lie, as Judge begins to whine at my feet.

Julia glances down at him. "Is something wrong with your dog?"

"He's fine. Look. My job is to protect Anna's legal rights and win the case, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Of course you are. Not necessarily because it's in Anna's best interests… but because it's in yours. How ironic is it that a kid who wants to stop being used for another person's benefit winds up picking your name out of the Yellow Pages?"

"You don't know anything about me," I say, my jaw tightening.

"Well, whose fault is that?"

So much for not bringing up the past. A shudder runs the length of me, and I grab Judge by the collar. "Excuse me," I say, and I walk out the office door, leaving Julia for the second time in my life.

When you get right down to it, The Wheeler School was a factory, pumping out debutantes and future investment bankers. We all looked alike and talked alike. To us, summer was a verb.

There were students, of course, who broke that mold. Like the scholarship kids, who wore their collars up and learned to row, never realizing that all along we were well aware they weren't one of us. There were the stars, like Tommy Boudreaux, who was drafted by the Detroit Redwings in his junior year. Or the head cases, who tried to slit their wrists or mix booze and Valium and then left campus just as silently as they had once wandered around it.

I was a sixth-former the year that Julia Romano came to Wheeler. She wore army boots and a Cheap Trick T-shirt under her school blazer; she was able to memorize entire sonnets without breaking a sweat. During free periods, while the rest of us were copping smokes behind the headmaster's back, she climbed the stairs to the ceiling of the gymnasium and sat with her back against a heating duct, reading books by Henry Miller and Nietzsche. Unlike the other girls in school, with their smooth waterfalls of yellow hair caught up in a headband like ribbon candy, hers was an absolute tornado of black curls, and she never wore makeup—just those sharp features, take it or leave it. She had the thinnest hoop I'd ever seen, a silver filament, through her left eyebrow. She smelled like fresh dough rising.

There were rumors about her. that she'd been booted out of a girl's reform school; that she was some whiz kid with a perfect PS AT score; that she was two years younger than everyone else in our grade; that she had a tattoo. Nobody quite knew what to make of her. They called her Freak, because she wasn't one of us.

One day Julia Romano arrived at school with short pink hair. We all assumed she'd be suspended, but it turned out that in the litany of rules about what one had to wear at Wheeler, coiffure was conspicuously absent. It made me wonder why there wasn't a single guy in the school with dreadlocks, and I realized it wasn't because we couldn't stand out; it's because we didn't want to. At lunch that day she passed the table where I was sitting with a bunch of guys on the sailing team and some of their girlfriends. "Hey," one girl said, "did it hurt?"

Julia slowed down. "Did what hurt?"

"Falling into the cotton candy machine?"

She didn't even blink. "Sorry, I can't afford to get my hair done at Wash, Cut and Blow Jobs 'R' Us." Then she walked off to the corner of the cafeteria where she always ate by herself, playing solitaire with a deck of cards that had pictures of patron saints on the backs.

"Shit," one of my friends said, "that's one girl I wouldn't mess with." I laughed, because everyone else did. But I also watched her sit down, push the tray of food away from her, and begin to lay out her cards. I wondered what it would be like to not give a damn about what people thought of you.

One afternoon, / went AWQL from the sailing team where I was captain, and followed her. I made sure to stay far enough behind that she wouldn't realize I was there. She headed down Blackstone Boulevard, turned into Swan Point Cemetery, and climbed to the highest point. She opened her knapsack, took out her textbooks and binder, and spread herself in front of a grave. "You might as well come out," she said then, and I nearly swallowed my tongue, expecting a ghost, until I realized she was talking to me. "If you pay an extra quarter, you can even stare up close."

I stepped out from behind a big oak, my hands dug into my pockets. Now . that I was there, I had no idea why I'd come. I nodded toward the grave. "That a relative?"

She looked over her shoulder. "Yeah. My grandma had the seat right next to him on the Mayflower." She stared at me, all right angles and edges. "Don't you have some cricket match to go to?"

"Polo," I said, breaking a smile. "I'm just waiting for my horse to get here."

She didn't get the joke… or maybe she didn't find it funny. "What do you want?"

I couldn't admit that I was following her. "Help," I said. "Homework."

In truth I had not looked over our English assignment. I grabbed a paper on top of her binder and read aloud: You come across a horrible four-car accident. There are people moaning in pain, and bodies strewn all over the place. Do you have an obligation to stop?

"Why should I help?" she said.

"Well, legally, you shouldn't. If you pull someone out and hurt them more, you could get sued."

"I meant why should I help you."

The paper floated to the ground. "You don't think very much of me, do you?"

"I don't think about any of you, period. You're a bunch of superficial idiots who wouldn't be caught dead with someone who's different from you."

"Isn't that what you're doing, too?"

She stared at me for a long second. Then she started stuffing her backpack. "You've got a trust fund, right? If you need help, go pay a tutor."

I put my foot down on top of a textbook. "Would you do it?"

"Tutor you? No way."

"Stop. At the car accident."

Her hands quieted. "Yeah. Because even if the law says that no one is responsible for anyone else, helping someone who needs it is the right thing to do."

I sat down beside her, close enough that the skin of her arm hummed right next to mine. "You really believe that?"

She looked down at her lap. "Yeah."

"Then how," I asked, "can you walk away from me?"

Afterward, I wipe my face with paper towels from the dispenser and fix my tie. Judge pads in tight circles beside me, the way he always does. "You did good," I tell him, patting the thick ruff of his neck.

When I get back into my office, Julia is gone. Kerri sits at the computer in a rare moment of productivity, typing. "She said that if you needed her, you could damn well come find her. Her words, not mine. And she asked for all the medical records." Kerri glances over her shoulder at me. "You look like shit."

"Thanks." An orange Post-it on her desk catches my attention. "Is this where she wants the records sent?"

"Yeah."

I slip the address into my pocket. "I'll take care of it," I say.

A week later, in front of the same grave, I unlaced Julia Romano's combat boots. I peeled away her camouflage jacket. Her feet were narrow and as pink as the inside of a tulip. Her collarbone was a mystery. "I knew you were beautiful under there," I said, and this was the first spot on her that I kissed.

The Fitzgeralds live in Upper Darby, in a house that could belong to any typical American family. Two-car garage; aluminum siding; Totfmder stickers in the windows for the fire department. By the time I get there, the sun is setting behind the roofline.

The whole drive over, I've tried to convince myself that what Julia said has absolutely no bearing on why I've decided to visit my client. That I was always planning to take this little detour before I headed home for the night.

But the truth is, in all the years I've been practicing, this is the first time I've paid a house call.

Anna opens the door when I ring the bell. "What are you doing here?"

"Checking up on you."

"Does that cost extra?"

"No," I say dryly. "It's part of a special promotion I'm doing this month."

"Oh." She crosses her arms. "Have you talked to my mother?"

"I'm trying my best not to. I assume she's not home?"

Anna shakes her head. "She's at the hospital. Kate got admitted again. I thought you might have gone over there."

"Kate's not my client."

This actually seems to disappoint her. She tucks her hair behind her ears. "Did you, like, want to come in?"

I follow her into the living room and sit down on the couch, a palette of cheery blue stripes. Judge sniffs the edges of the furniture. "I heard you met the guardian ad litem."

"Julia. She took me to the zoo. She seems all right." Her eyes dart to mine. "Did she say something about me?"

"She's worried that your mother might be talking to you about this case."

"Other than Kate," Anna says, "what else is there to talk about?"

We stare at each other for a moment. Beyond a client-attorney relationship, I am at a loss.

I could ask to see her room, except that there's no way in hell any male defense attorney would ever go upstairs alone with a thirteen-year-old girl. I could take her out to dinner, but I doubt she'd appreciate Cafe Nuovo, one of my favorite haunts, and I don't think I could stomach a Whopper. I could ask her about school, but it isn't in session.

"Do you have kids?" Anna asks.

I laugh. "What do you think?"

"It's probably a good thing," she admits. "No offense, but you don't exactly look like a parent."

That fascinates me. "What do parents look like?"

She seems to think about this. "You know how the tightrope guy at the circus wants everyone to believe his act is an art, but deep down you can see that he's really just hoping he makes it all the way across? Like that." She glances at me. "You can relax, you know. I'm not going to tie you up and make you listen to gangsta rap."

"Oh, well," I joke. "In that case." I loosen my tie and sit back on the pillows.

It makes a smile dart briefly across her face. "You don't have to pretend to be my friend or anything."

"I don't want to pretend." I run my hand through my hair. "The thing is, this is new to me."

"What is?"

I gesture around the living room. "Visiting a client. Shooting the breeze. Not leaving a case at the office at the end of the day."

"Well, this is new to me, too," Anna confesses.

"What is?"

She twists a strand of hair around her pinky. "Hoping," she says.

The part of town where Julia's apartment is located is an upscale area with a reputation for divorced bachelors, a point that irritates me the whole time I am trying to find a parking spot. Then the doorman takes one look at Judge and bars my path. "No dogs allowed," he says. "Sorry."

"This is a service dog." When that doesn't seem to ring a bell, I spell it out for him. "You know. Like Seeing Eye."

"You don't look blind."

"I'm a recovering alcoholic," I tell him. "The dog gets between me and a beer."

Julia's apartment is on the seventh floor. I knock on her door and then see an eye checking me out through the peephole. She opens it a crack, but leaves the chain in place. She has a kerchief wrapped around her head, and she looks like she's been crying.

"Hi," I say. "Can we start over?"

She wipes her nose. "Who the hell are you?"

"Okay. Maybe I deserve that." I glance at the chain. "Let me in, will you?"

She gives me a look, like I'm crazy or something. "Are you on crack?"

There is a scuffle, and another voice, and then the door opens wide and stupidly I think: There are two of her. "Campbell," the real Julia says, "what are you doing here?"

I hold up the medical records, still getting over the shock. How the hell is it that she never managed to mention, that entire year at Wheeler, having a twin?

"Izzy, this is Campbell Alexander. Campbell, this is my sister."

"Campbell…" I watch Izzy turn my name over on her tongue. At second glance, she really looks nothing like Julia at all. Her nose is a bit longer, her complexion not nearly the same shade of gold. Not to mention the fact that watching her mouth move doesn't make me hard. "Not the Campbell?" she says, turning to Julia. "From…"

"Yeah," she sighs.

Izzy's gaze narrows. "I knew I shouldn't let him in."

"It's fine," Julia insists, and she takes the files from me. "Thanks for bringing these."

Izzy waggles her fingers. "You can leave now."

"Stop." Julia swats her sister's arm. "Campbell is the attorney I'm working with this week."

"But wasn't he the guy who—"

"Yes, thanks, I have a fully functioning memory."

"So!" I interrupt. "I stopped off at Anna's house." Julia turns to me. "And?"

"Earth to Julia," Izzy says. "This is self-destructive behavior."

"Not when it involves a paycheck, Izzy. We have a case together, that's it. Okay? And I really don't feel like being lectured by you about self-destructive behavior. Who called Janet for a mercy fuck the night after she dumped you?"

"Hey." I turn to Judge. "How about those Red Sox?" Izzy stamps down the hall. "It's your suicide," she yells, and then I hear a door slam.

"I think she really likes me," I say, but Julia doesn't crack as mile.

"Thanks for the medical records. Bye."

"Julia—"

"Hey, I'm just saving you the trouble. It must've been hard training a dog to drag you out of a room when you need rescuing from some emotionally volatile situation, like an old girlfriend who's telling the truth. How does it work, Campbell? Hand signals? Word commands? A high-pitched whistle?"

I look wistfully down the empty hallway. "Can I have Izzy back instead?"

Julia tries to push me out the door.

"All right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off today in the office. But… it was an emergency."

She stares at me. "What did you say the dog's for?"

"I didn't." When she turns, Judge and I follow her deeper into the apartment, closing the door behind us. "So I went to see Anna Fitzgerald. You were right—before I took out a restraining order against her mother, I needed to talk to her."

"And?"

I think back to the two of us, sitting on that striped couch, stretching a web of trust between us. "I think we're on the same page." Julia doesn't respond, just picks up a glass of white wine on the kitchen counter. "Why yes, I'd love some," I say.

She shrugs. "It's in Smilla."

The fridge, of course. For its sense of snow. When I walk there and take out the bottle, I can feel her trying not to smile. "You forget that I know you."

"Knew," she corrects.

"Then educate me. What have you been doing for fifteen years?" I nod down the hallway toward Izzy's room. "I mean, other than cloning yourself." A thought occurs to me, and before I can even voice it Julia answers.

"My brothers all became builders and chefs and plumbers. My parents wanted their girls to go to college, and figured attending Wheeler senior year might stack the odds. I had good enough grades to get a partial scholarship there; Izzy didn't. My parents could only afford to send one of us to private school."

"Did she go to college?"

"RISD," Julia says. "She's a jewelry designer.”

“A hostile jewelry designer—"

"Having your heart broken can do that." Our eyes meet, and Julia realizes what she's said. "She just moved in today."

My eyes canvass the apartment, looking for a hockey stick, a Sports Illustrated magazine, a La-Z-Boy chair, anything telltale and male. "Is it hard getting used to a roommate?"

"I was living alone before, Campbell, if that's what you're asking." She looks at me over the edge of her wine glass. "How about you?"

"I have six wives, fifteen children, and an assortment of sheep." Her lips curve. "People like you always make me feel like I'm underachieving."

"Oh yeah, you're a real waste of space on the planet. Harvard undergrad, Harvard Law, a bleeding heart guardian ad litem__"

"How'd you know where I went to law school?”

“Judge DeSalvo," I lie, and she buys it.

I wonder if Julia feels like it has been moments, not years, since we've been together. If sitting at this counter with me feels as effortless for her as it does for me. It's like picking up an unfamiliar piece of sheet music and starting to stumble through it, only to realize it is a melody you'd once learned by heart, one you can play without even trying.

"I didn't think you'd become a guardian ad litem," I admit.

"Neither did I." Julia smiles. "I still have moments where I fantasize about standing on a soapbox in Boston Common, railing against a patriarchal society. Unfortunately, you can't pay a landlord in dogma." She glances at me. "Of course, I also mistakenly believed you'd be President of the United States by now."

"I inhaled," I confess. "Had to set my sights a little lower. And you—well, actually, I figured you'd be living in the suburbs, doing the soccer mom thing with a bunch of kids and some lucky guy."

Julia shakes her head. "I think you're confusing me with Muffy or Bitsie or Toto or whatever the hell the names of the girls in Wheeler were."

"No. I just thought that… that I might be the guy."

There is a thick, viscous silence. "You didn't want to be that guy," Julia says finally. "You made that pretty clear."

That's not true, I want to argue. But how else would it look to her, when afterward, I wanted nothing to do with her. When, afterward, I acted just like everyone else. "Do you remember—" I begin.

"I remember everything, Campbell," she interrupts. "If I didn't, this wouldn't be so hard."

My pulse jumps so high that Judge gets to his feet and pushes his snout into my hip, alarmed. I had believed back then that nothing could hurt Julia, who seemed to be so free. I had hoped that I could be as lucky.

I was mistaken on both counts.