"Kick Ass: Selected Columns of Carl Hiaasen" - читать интересную книгу автора (Hiaasen Carl)
KICK ASS Carl Hiaasen Preface Acknowledgments Introduction Welcome to South Florida Carl Hiaasen's South Florida stress test Now you can figure your stress quotient October 29, 1985 Etiquette at a crime scene: What to wear, how to act June 20, 1986 The mysterious death of Claude, the sheep dog February 6, 1987 Pistol-packing guards shoot up sense of security February 11, 1987 Horse race would have sloppy track March 21, 1988 Just when you thought it was safe to go to the beach … April 6, 1988 Let's crow for Hialeah cockfighting April 17, 1989 Land snakes! Pythons seem to like it here October 11, 1989 Send in clowns—and book them, of course January 9, 1991 No peace for movie ushers who want quiet June 26, 1991 Miami politics a sticking point for voodooers February 20, 1992 Modern world puts evolution into reverse July 6, 1995 Give macho dogflghters real taste of action January 18, 1996 Dead shark nothing but a sound bite January 9, 1997 Corruption: Our growth industry May 3, 1998 Indicted? Act indignant August 23, 1998 Murder and Mayhem Can gun laws solve Dade's murder wave? July 31, 1985 On the beach, reality doesn't take a vacation August 9, 1985 Appalling gore fails to daunt film audiences October 16, 1985 Crowd gripped by "real" crime drama April 12, 1986 Gunman, shot 12 times, wouldn't quit August 6, 1986 Machine-gun shortage rattles NRA September 7, 1986 Miami, a city beset by gun problems? Read on! March 7, 1988 Legislators, we're dying for gun law April 29, 1988 New NRA ad misses the mark May 23, 1988 Shop closing may trigger gun panic March 1, 1989 Sad reality: Armed society means cops die April 30, 1990 In tourist haven, mayor sticks to guns June 27, 1990 Live or rerun, murder is now mainstream TV January 31, 1993 Great gift ideas for very young snipers-to-be December 19, 1993 Take pride in hometown arms maker March 26, 1995 TV newscasts no more violent than real life May 8, 1997 A war looms on gun sales June 18, 1998 See It like a Native 700 more cops will not solve crime problem September 20, 1985 Dilapidated county clinic medical shame April 30, 1986 Despair, rage fester in housing projects July 27, 1987 For poorest, life only gets worse January 18, 1989 HRS research project is a study in folly January 29, 1990 Prostitutes talk of risk—and addiction May 14, 1990 Con artists hit the road to prey on old May 23, 1990 Without changes, nursing home neglect will occur December 3, 1992 English-only repeal won't impose Spanish May 16, 1993 Safe parks act worthy of a vote October 27, 1996 Rules Are Different Here Stowaways ran in pursuit of their destiny December 4, 1985 Mass murders haunt Mayan asking refuge June 27, 1986 You've got to have a racket to get asylum January 8, 1988 Immigration's double standard is an outrage July 15, 1991 Racism adds to the pain of repatriations February 2, 1992 Keep goodwill afloat at sea: Sink INS piracy October 24, 1993 Alpha 66 threats: New theatrics by inept militants February 27, 1994 The other rafters suffer with silence August 21, 1994 Protests create anger, gridlock—not friends May 11, 1995 Flotilla really empty vessel of exile protest August 31, 1995 Immigration priorities are warped January 8, 1998 The War on Drugs Justice deposes the ruling king of cocaine wars June 4, 1985 Dade's latest drug fight all wet—pass it around November 5, 1985 'Cocaine' tea has bitter taste of controversy January 13, 1986 TV drug raids rated a 'G'—for goofy December 5, 1986 From Michigan, direct to you: drug-free urine March 27, 1987 Yacht-pot policy makes zero sense May 11,1988 Drug czar would scare any pusher June 24, 1988 Mason jars won't make roads safer February 17, 1989 Cops making crack makes little sense April 26, 1989 U.S. murder of drug lords invites chaos June 12, 1989 Bush fails to pay price of drug war September 5, 1989 BSO strikes again in battle of the bulge December 17, 1990 Tourist Season Only a fool fails to follow these rules September 19, 1986 Auto trunks are no place to park bodies January 21, 1987 Local leaders need to foster pride, not panic July 20, 1987 Newsweek story glitz-wraps same old city January 20, 1988 Super Bowl boosters in taxi tizzy November 21, 1988 Sometimes, dolphins get wrong idea February 9, 1990 Will we end up swallowing this new tax? April 2, 1990 Santeria ritual not quite to tourists' tastes April 5, 1991 Tourists: Be alert for crime Miami-style August 19, 1991 Tourist crime not too bad—(just ignore facts) February 28, 1993 Fish tales fly in face of logic, but pass 'em on July 22, 1993 Crime coverage based on how far tourist traveled January 16, 1994 Blacking out Channel 7 unplugs the local color June 5, 1994 Perfectly seasoned? Half-baked August 20, 1995 Forget tourists, residents need crime warning March 20, 1997 At Disney, it's a wild, wild world April 23, 1998 A State of Chaos Why not study the brains of top Florida officials? October 9, 1985 Beer and pizza for everyone, Mr. Governor June 5, 1987 Foul odors get worse in legislature December 12, 1990 Junkets show politics isn't a thankless job May 1,1991 Senate remap effort on road to disaster April 2, 1992 State lobbyists may be pulled out of shadows February 18, 1993 Pass your law? First, pass me the stone crabs March 21, 1996 Dave who? Please say it isn't so April 16, 1998 Cops, Courts, and Lawyers Latest arrests close out bad year for police January I, 1986 River cops tell unique tales of acquiring cash January 12, 1987 Here's a quiz for potential federal jurors January 23, 1987 Mob desire backfires on longtime cop August 30, 1989 Spotlight on Nick Navarro becoming hot July 1, 1991 Personal-injury lawyers back in chase—by mail May 12, 1994 Judicial race is an exercise in extortion February 28, 1990 Judges think fast to explain needles, money June 17, 1991 Court Broom menu includes well-fed judge February 16, 1992 Borrowing lines from Brando won't help judge February 4, 1993 Court Broom's final score warrants Lysol April 29, 1993 A floating jail: Flotsam of the Schreiber mind December 10, 1986 Mathematician needed to sort prison guidelines January 23, 1994 Miami: No. I destination for crooks September I, 1994 Death penalty should be fair, certain, swift March 27, 1997 Dade attorney batting zero against graft October 23, 1997 State haggles over the cost of stolen days April 26, 1998 Candidates with Convictions Forget diplomacy, try Joaquin Andujar for mayor November 1, 1985 Local campaigns masquerade as serious politics November 2, 1987 A motto for Metro:The check's in the mail September 2, 1988 Our own Joe shines again in Miami race October 2, 1989 Candidates can't hide true colors November 13, 1989 Gersten vote to test savvy of metro voters March 11, 1993 Ferre also owes voters an explanation April II, 1993 Campaigns for mayoral race, so far, so bad August 22, 1993 Wacko factor gives city voters a tough choice October 30, 1993 Hialeah's new convict-mayor government November 11, 1993 Hialeah vote 2: This time hide the cheating November 10, 1994 Older, yet not wiser, Miami deserves Carollo as mayor July 28, 1996 It won't be hard to fill Miami's 'Crooked' seat July 31, 1997 Dead men voting couldn't do any worse November 30, 1997 Miami Voters' create new kind of open election December 14, 1997 Strike a blow for democracy: Sell your vote January 15, 1998 A patriotic soul won't let death cost him a vote February 8, 1998 Clean election? This is a job for Jimmy Carter March 5, 1998 Ex-Mayor lives in own x world March 26, 1998 Our Leaders on Parade County meets for a theater of the absurd February 3, 1988 OB should fence off VIP seating August 10, 1988 Lobbyists could try semaphore May 15, 1989 To Dawkins, black isn't always black March 16, 1990 This junket stinks to high heaven April 4, 1990 The dock, Mayor Daoud and CenTrust April 13, 1990 Wanted: Real job for Metro commissioner July 18, 1990 From pathetic to revolting, our leaders run gamut May 29, 1994 Homestead's sneaky deal raises hackles December 5, 1995 Greenpalm: A true-life tale of bugs and rats September 22, 1996 Take over city; commissioners won't notice December I, 1996 Miami's fiscal crisis: Look at the bright side December 5, 1996 Suarez's act won't play on Wall Street December 4, 1997 Breakthrough at City Hall August 16, 1998 Stormy Weather Tis the season some builders get generous December 16, 1987 Shhhhhh! Let the inspector get his sleep June 4, 1990 Now, perhaps, we'll develop with more care August 27, 1992 Blustery talk about Andrew is all hot air October 18, 1992 Happy ending slow to come at country walk May 6, 1993 Slow to act? No, state was setting trap for builders July 29, 1993 Government can't be trusted to enforce codes December 30, 1993 How soon we forget what these storms do June 9, 1994 Just the fittest will survive next hurricane August 25, 1994 When homes collapse, best course is court April 16, 1995 Novel approach: We build it, we approve it May 11, 1997 Cyberfraud simplifies corruption August 9, 1997 Storms ahead if construction bill is passed April 27, 1997 Tax Dollars at Work Dade taking furniture flap sitting down January 27, 1986 Metromover's new legs would be very shaky July 2, 1986 Paint Rosario nattily naive, fiscally fickle February 2, 1987 For city execs, all work, no play pays off April 10, 1987 City flushes $101,000 right down the John January 19, 1992 Metrorail: The bigger it grows, the more it loses May 26, 1994 Falling down just part of the job in Miami December 19, 1996 Officer Romeo makes out big in sex scandal May 9, 1996 Bullet train would shoot state budget January 12, 1997 Miami port's generosity runs too deep May 22, 1997 Odio's exit a bargain for taxpayers June 5, 1997 Ralph Sanchez and Other Subsidized Sports City gave away park to get rid of problem February 21, 1986 The Indy races to put Metro in debit dust July 18, 1986 Track developer now charity case for Homestead August 1, 1993 Let Lipton thrive or fail on its own July 25, 1990 Parks shouldn't be used to fill private coffers April 19, 1992 If Lipton should fall, let Avino's crew shovel it May 10, 1992 Metro tumbled into sand trap with golf club June 26, 1994 Wayne skating on thin ice of fan loyalty July 23, 1995 Let Broward have its arena—and the debt February 1, 1996 Team rebates send tax money down the drain March 16, 1997 Speedway lessees race to the bank April 13, 1997 Choked on Growth If three's a crowd, what is 5 million? September 13, 1985 Highway opens one of last frontiers to overgrowth July 16, 1986 Buying a piece of Florida? See it like a native February 16, 1987 Maybe first Thanksgiving soured early November 24, 1989 Retail flops fail to stop mall frenzy February 8, 1989 A message to outsiders: Florida's full January 5, 1990 Gas-tax veto wisely brakes development May 9, 1990 Finally, a leader admits growth is choking state September 4, 1991 Guns-for-all law one way to end congestion May 20, 1993 Overcrowding solution: Pay folks to leave September 5, 1994 More crime, traffic jams? Bring'em on! February 4, 1996 Court's message to home buyers: Trust no one April 18, 1996 A gift for dad who has it all in his backyard December 5, 1996 Our dream, our nightmare September 13, 1998 Vanishing Florida The bombs of progress blast crater in nature August 6, 1985 Pristine oasis may go to waste in trash crisis November 8, 1985 Sewage charges latest outrage at ocean reef December 16, 1985 Margaritaville marshlands: Wasting away? October 27, 1986 Feds must save wetlands from development November 19, 1986 Ill-conceived landfill plan begets smoke April 6, 1990 Key plan shows just how low developers go February 13, 1991 Pipeline crisis could turn Bay into cesspool June 13, 1993 'Revitalization' a threat to Virginia Key April 3, 1997 Explanation for road widening quite a stretch June 15, 1997 The Everglades and Big Sugar Tainted bass a warning for all of us March 10, 1989 News isn't so sweet for Big Sugar March 5, 1990 New wetlands plan rooted in bad policy May 20, 1991 Glades need a hero before options dry up January 12, 1992 Big Sugar's sly cleanup plan is dirty pool April 12, 1992 Future of keys rests in the fate of Florida Bay February 21, 1993 Douglas would trade medal for preserved Glades December 2, 1993 Sugar bosses fight to keep real sweet deal April 30, 1995 Sugar barons' campaign: Not sweet but low November 10, 1996 Everglades National Park 50th Anniversary Homage to a magical place October 19, 1997 Lawmakers sell Glades down river May 7, 1998 Masterpiece foretold a legacy May 17, 1998 Wild Kingdom Dateline: Big Pine Key Deer poachers' tactics show true cowardice August 20, 1985 Manatees still hapless victims of area boaters January 8, 1986 A loud cry for the state's wild panther Septembers, 1988 Watering down of rules throws sharks to wolves December 24, 1992 A regular at saloon, popularity killed her April 6, 1995 Wildlife losing their homes as we build ours December 12, 1996 '97 is already a mean season for wildlife May 25, 1997 Turtle's slaying shows we need more Cousteaus June 29, 1997 Same old song: Greed drowns another species December 28, 1997 Small Victories City gives kids a great reason to give thanks November 26, 1986 Politicians waking up to the green vote November 5, 1990 At last, Florida has a program worth keeping November 10, 1991 Proposal gives green power to the people March 14, 1993 If Tallahassee won't do it, voters will December 11, 1994 Preserving bay today is good for the future May 12, 1996 One company had courage, fought graft October 10, 1996 Golden arches not welcomed in Islamorada December 9, 1997 Feds are right in grounding jetport project January 4, 1998 Bush listens to smart talk on environment February 5, 1998 Judge humbles Humberto August 30, 1998 Glades buyout has to happen November 15, 1998 That's why there's a law December 13, 1998 Bush on track with 'bullet' January 14, 1999
KICK ASS Carl Hiaasen For all those who care about Florida.
You just cover a lot of territory and you do it aggressively and you do it fairly and you don't play favorites and you don't take any prisoners. It's the old school of slash-and-burn metropolitan column writing. You just kick ass. That's what you do. And that's what they pay you to do.
—Carl Hiaasen
