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Traveler’s Checks

Travelers checks are very impressive pieces of paper that are backed by the full faith and credit of actor Karl Malden. They are accepted at thousands of shopping locations around the world, although almost never the location that you personally are shopping in. Nevertheless, traveler’s checks are very popular with those travelers who have the brains of frozen vegetables. You’ve seen these people in those American Express traveler’s check commercials:

FIRST TRAVELER: Oh no!

SECOND TRAVELER: What’s wrong!

FIRST TRAVELER: I left my wallet unguarded on a cafe table here in the middle of this squalid, poverty-ridden, crime-infested foreign city, and now it’s gone!

SECOND TRAVELER: But that’s impossible!

KARL MALDEN (to camera): Hi, I’m Karl Malden.

FIRST TRAVELER: Look! It’s Raymond Burr!

KARL MALDEN: If you lose your American Express traveler’s checks, you can call for an immediate refund.

FIRST TRAVELER: But we don’t even know how to operate a telephone!

SECOND TRAVELER: I don’t even remember which Traveler I am! I think I’m the Second Traveler!

FIRST TRAVELER: No! I’m the Second Traveler!

KARL MALDEN (tO camera): American Express traveler’s checks. A lot of people never even figure out how to cash them.