Dave Barry. Stay Fit And Healthy Until You’re Dead Foreword Inspirational Opening Anecdote Explaining the Author’s Lifelong Personal Commitment To Health and Fitness Introduction Four Reasons Why You Must Get Fit Immediately How Insects Stay Fit So the Bottom Line Is ... How Fit Are You? Calculating Your Final “Fitness Quotient” Important Medical Note Chapter 1. How Your Body Works The Skin The Muscle System The Skeletal System The Digestive System The Central Nervous System Your Respiratory System The Circulatory System Chapter 2. Getting Ready To Get Started The Basic Fitness Fashion Look for Women Fitness Fashion for Men Fitness with Computers Choosing the Right Place to Get Fit Saunas When to Actually Start Your Fitness Program Chapter 3. Women’s Total Complete Aerobic Fitness Workout Warming Up The Actual Workout Cooling Down Chapter 4. Running An Important Safety Note about Running What Kind of Person Should Take Up Running, and What Will Happen to This Person’s Knees Choosing the Right Running Shoe Choosing the Left Running Shoe What to Wear on the Rest of Your Body Where to Run Chapter 5. Popular Sports Ski Jumping Peewee Football Racquetball Professional Ice Hockey Golf Swimming Pig Lifting Fitness for the Business Traveler Center-City Jogging Chapter 6. Bodybuilding Weights: A Stupid Idea How Nautilus Equipment Works The Trouble with Nautilus Equipment Announcing a Totally New Amazing Scientific Affordable Bodybuilding Device That You Can Use in Your Own Home Chapter 7. Nutrition Why You Should Watch What You Eat How Your Digestive System Works Eating a “Balanced Diet” What You Can Learn from Reading the Labels on Foods About Vitamins Vitamins in Food Minerals in Food What about Fiber? A Thoughtful Philosophical Discussion of Vegetarianism Chapter 8. Dieting And Weight Control Do You Weigh the Proper Amount? The Simple, Basic, Obvious Truth about Losing Weight The Handsome Sincere Random Doctor Medical Diet Poop Yourself Thin The Elvis Presley Memorial Diet The Total Tapeworm Diet How to Lose Weight in the Coming Depression Shed Unwanted Ounces the Orson Welles Way The Dead Preppy Cat Microcomputer Diet Book The All-Goat-Products Diet The Frequent Casual Motel Sex Diet The Amazing Mother Theresa Weight Loss Plan Common Questions Often Asked about Losing Weight Announcing the Dave Barry Guaranteed, Surefire, Safe, Proven, Medically Unusual Weight Loss Device For Human Beings Belonging to the General Public What the Experts Say about the Dave Barry Weight Loss Device Chapter 9. Women’s Beauty And Grooming The First Step toward a More Beautiful You What You, Personally, Need to Do about Your Appearance GUIDELINE 1: YOUR FACE IS MUCH TOO FAT. GUIDELINE 2: I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO YOUR HAIR. GUIDELINE 3: I WOULD SAY YOUR EYES ARE YOUR BEST FEATURE. Personal Hygiene TEETH GUMS AND ARMPITS HAIR FEET FEMININE HYGIENE Chapter 10. Men’s Beauty And Grooming Hair A Sincere Discussion of Baldness Skin Makeup Chapter 11. When You Get Sick How You Can Tell When There Is Something Wrong with You Dealing with Doctors Paying for Your Hospital Treatment Chapter 12. Fitness Q And A Fitness and the Expectant Mother Fitness and the Afterlife Fitness and Sex Fitness and the Third World Postwar Fitness Office Fitness Index
Inspirational Opening Anecdote Explaining the Author’s Lifelong Personal Commitment To Health and Fitness Thirty-one years ago, when I was a mere boy of seven, my mother fell very, very sick. She called me to her side and, in a voice weakened by pain, said, “Bob, whatever happens to me, I want you to remember that ...
“David,” I corrected. “My name is David.”
“I know that, you little snot,” she said. “I’m your mother.”
I have always remembered those words, despite the fact that my mother recovered completely and is fine today.
Hi, Mom.