There's nothing to writing. All you do

is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.

—Walter «Red» Smith

I can truthfully say I will never

make a bad film .

—Eddie Murphy

Cast of Characters

Maggie Kelly. Writing as Cleo Dooley, the creator of Alexandre Blake, Viscount Saint Just, from the best-selling Saint Just Mysteries series. Both of them. Literally.

Alex Blakely aka Viscount Saint Just. The figment of Maggie's creative imagination, her perfect hero, inexplicably come to life some months earlier in her Manhattan apartment. It's a problem…

Sterling Balder. The obligatory loyal sidekick to Maggie's once-only fictional sleuth, now also living large in Manhattan, and a dear soul who would be too confused to ever answer to an alias.

Bernice Toland-James. Maggie's editor, recently sober, although she is not convinced sobriety is her natural condition.

Tabitha Leighton. Maggie's agent, married to the Bed-Hopping Champion of the Western World.

Arnaud Peppin. The director of The Case of the Disappearing Earl , the Cleo Dooley novel to be filmed for a television movie on location in England.

Sir Rudolph Medwine. The owner of the country manor house at which the movie will be filmed. Knighted for his creation of the Medwine Marauder fishing reel, Rudy thinks having a movie filmed at his newly purchased house would be smashing great fun.

Byrd Stockwell. Rudy's nephew, who thinks chasing American actresses of loose morals would be smashing great fun.

Troy Barlow. The perfect choice to play Saint Just, if the Viscount had been into bleach-streaked hair and surfboards.

Nikki Campion. The female lead, best known for being Nikki Campion, as well as the spokesperson for Boffo Transmissions («When shifting gears, think Boffo!»).

Evan Pottinger. A method actor cast in the role of the dastardly villain of the piece.

Perry Posko. An actor for whom playing the sweet, naive, often-bumbling Sterling Balder will be no stretch.

Dennis Lloyd. An English thespian hoping to make the roll of Clarence, the Saint Just valet, into an Emmy-winning performance.

Sam Undercuffler. The screenwriter who adapted Maggie's book for the small screen.

Joanne Pertuccelli. The regulation corporate bitch, employed by the production company to keep the filming on time and under budget.

Marylou Keppel. Script girl, stand-in, and gofer, hoping to add to her list of «Actors I Have Boinked.»