Ryersonтs mouth opened and closed, but no sounds emerged. He pointed with one bony arm. It shook.
Below himўit was meant to be above, like a starўa light glowed red.
уContact,ф said Maclaren.
The word echoed through his skull as if spoken by a creator, across a universe still black and empty.
Ryerson began to weep, silently, his lips working. уTamara,ф he said. уTamara, Iтm coming home.ф
Maclaren thought: If Chang and Seiichi had been by me now, what a high and proud moment.
уGo on, Terangi,ф chattered Ryerson. His hands shook so he could not touch the controls. уGo on through.ф
Maclaren did not really understand it. Not yet. It was too
swift a breaking. But the wariness of a race which had evolved among snakes and war spoke for him:
уWait, Dave. Wait a minute. Just to be certain. Put a signal through. A teletype, I mean; weтve no voice microphone, have we? You can do it right at that keyboard.ф
уWhat for?ф screamed Ryerson. уWhat for? If you wonтt go through, I will!ф
уJust wait, is all.ф Suddenly Maclaren was begging. All the craziness of months between stars that burned his eyes woke up; he felt in a dim way that man must live under conditions and walk in awe, but this is one of the prides in being a man. He raised powerless hands and criedўit was not much above a whisperўфThere could be some distortion, you know. Accidents do happen, once in a great while, and this web was made by hand, half of it from memoryўSend a message. Ask for a test transmission back to us. It wonтt take long andўMy God, Dave, what kind of thing could you send home to Tamara if the signal was wrong?ф
R YERSONтS chin quivered in its beard, but he punched the typer keys with hard angry strokes. Maclaren sat back down, breathing quickly and shallowly. So it was to become real after all. So he would again walk beneath the tall summer clouds of Earth.
No, he thought. I never will. Terangi Maclaren died in an orbit around the black sun, and on the steel planet where it is always winter. The I that am may go home, but never the I that was.
Ryerson bent over so he could look into the screen which gave him an image of the receiving chamber.
Maclaren waited. A long while passed.
уNothing,ф said Ryerson. уThey havenтt sent a thing.ф
Maclaren could still not talk.
уA colonial station, of course,ф said Ryerson. уProbably one of the outpost jobs with two men for a staff . . . or, another spaceship. Yes, thatтs likeliest, weтre in touch with an interstellar. Only one man on watch andўф
уAnd there should be a bell to call him, shouldnтt there?ф asked Maclaren, very slowly.
уYou know how they get on the long haul,ф said Ryerson. He
smote his chair arm with a fist that was all knobs. уThe man is sleeping too hard to hear a thing. Orўф
уWait,ф said Maclaren. уWeтve waited long enough. We can afford a few more minutes, to make certain.ф
Ryerson blazed at him, as if he were an enemy. уWait? Wait, by jumping hell! No!ф
He set the control timer for transmission in five minutes and crept from his seat and down the ladder. Under the soiled tunic, he seemed all spidery arms and legs, and one yellow shock of hair.
Maclaren stood up again and stumbled toward him. уNo,ф he croaked. уListen, I realize how you feel, but I realize itтs space lunacy too, and I forbid you, I forbidўф
Ryerson smiled. уHow do you propose to stop me?ф he asked.
уI . . . but canтt you wait, wait and see andўф
уLook here,ф said Ryerson, уletтs assume there is a freak in the signal. A test transmission comes through. At best, the standard object is merely distorted . . . at worse, it wonтt be recreated at all, and weтll get an explosion. The second case will destroy us. In the first case, we havenтt time to do much more work. I doubt if I could climb around on the web outside any more. I know you could not, my friend! Weтve no choice but to go through. Now!ф
уIf itтs a ship at the other end, and you cause an explosion,ф whispered Maclaren, уyouтve murdered one more man.ф
Drearily, and as if from far away, he recognized the hardness which congealed the other face. Hope had made David Ryerson young again. уIt wonтt blow up,ф said the boy, and was wholly unable to imagine such a happening.
уWell . . . probably not . . . but thereтs still the chance of molecular distortion orўф Maclaren sighed. Almost experimentally, he pushed at Ryersonтs chest. Nothing happened; he was so much more starved that he could not move the lank body before him.
уAll right,ф said Maclaren. уYou win. Iтll go through.ф
Ryerson shook his head. уNo, you donтt,ф he answered. уI changed my mind.ф With a lilt of laughter: уI stand behind my own work, Terangi!ф
уNo, wait! Let me . . . I mean . . . think of your wife, at least . . . pleaseўф
уIтll see you there,ф cried Ryerson. The blue glance which he threw over his shoulder was warm. He opened the transmitter room door, went through, it clashed shut upon him. Maclaren wrestled weakly with the knob. No use, it had an automatic lock.
Which of us is the fool? I will never be certain, whatever may come of this. The chances are all for him, of course . . . in human terms, reckoned from what we know . . . but could he not learn with me how big this universe is, and how full of darkness?
M ACLAREN stumbled back toward the ladder to the chair. He would gain wrath, but a few more minutes, by climbing up and turning off the controls. And in those minutes, the strangely terrifying negligent operator at the other end might read the teletype message and send a test object. And then Ryerson would know. Both of them would know. Maclaren put his feet on the rungs. He had only two meters to climb. But his hands would not lift him. His legs began to shake. He was halfway to the panel when its main switch clicked down and the transmitting engine skirled.
He crept on up. Now I know what it means to be old, he thought.
His heart fluttered feebly and wildly as he got into the chair. For a while he could not see the vision screens, through the night that spumed in his head. Then his universe steadied a little. The transmitter room was quite empty. The red light still showed contact. So at least there had been no destruction wrought in the receiving place. Except maybe on Dave; it didnтt take much molecular warping to kill a man. But I am being timid in my weakness. I should not be afraid to die. Least of all to die. So let me also go on through and be done.
He reached for the timer. His watch caught his eye. Half an hour since Dave left? Already? Had it taken half an hour for him to creep this far and think a few sentences? But surely Dave would have roused even the sleepiest operator. They should have sent a teletype to the Cross: уCome on, Terangi. Come on home with me.ф What was wrong?
Maclaren stared at the blank walls enclosing him. Here he could not see the stars, but he knew how they crowded the
outside sky, and he had begun to understand, really understand what an illusion that was and how hideously lonely each of those suns dwelt.
One thing more I have learned, in this last moment, he thought. I know what it is to need mercy.
Decision came. He set the timer for ten minutesўhis progress to the transmitter room would be very slowўand started down the ladder.
A bell buzzed.
His heart sprang. He crawled back, feeling dimly that there were tears on his own face now, and stared into the screen.
A being stood in the receiving chamber. It wore some kind of armor, so he could not make out the shape very well, but though it stood on two legs the shape was not a manтs. Through a transparent bubble of a helmet, where the air within bore a yellowish tinge, Maclaren saw its face. Not fish, nor frog, nor mammal, it was so other a face that his mind would not wholly register it. Afterward he recalled only blurred features, there were tendrils and great red eyes.
