"Paul Di Filippo - Two CC's of Bestseller, Stat" - читать интересную книгу автора (Di Filippo Paul)

I found myself in what was obviously an infirmary. The nurses took my
health insurance information and left me alone.

It was then that I noticed something odd about the room.

Although its tiled walls and easy-to-clean floor contained a
paper-topped examining table for patients, it had none of the other
accouterments of a hospital. No machines, and not even a canister of
tongue depressors.

Before I could unriddle this lack, a doctor entered.

In his scrubs, the man was tall, thin, and possessed a mop of red hair
that stood up like a cockтАЩs comb. His face too was half-concealed by a
mask.

тАЬDr. Gutenberg,тАЭ he announced himself. тАЬPlease strip to your
underwear and climb on the table, so that we can begin your treatment.тАЭ

I started to unbutton my shirt. тАЬBut donтАЩt you need to examine me?тАЭ

тАЬNot at all, not at all. We have the readouts from the scanner gate.
Your treatment is pre-ordained.тАЭ

Sitting in my boxers on the crinkly wax-paper, I watched as Dr.
Gutenberg opened a cupboard door and removedтАФa book! He began to
rip pages out of it.

тАЬThis is a first edition of Jack LondonтАЩs Call of the Wild. Proven
extremely effective against influenza. Effects of the pure Arctic landscape
described therein. Its cost will show up on your bill, under the тАШdrugтАЩ
heading. Not covered by your insurance, IтАЩm afraid.тАЭ

I quailed at the destruction of the valuable book, especially since I
knew what it went for online. тАЬWait just a minute. What kind of physician are
you?тАЭ

тАЬI am a doctor of bibliostetrics. Under the Public Safety Act, we have
the federal franchise for all bookstores. Now, lie on your side.тАЭ

Reluctantly, I assumed the required position. Dr. Gutenberg rolled up
the pages of Jack LondonтАЩs book into a cone, inserted the narrow end into
my earтАФthen lit the whole affair on fire!

тАЬHey!тАЭ

тАЬDonтАЩt squirm, youтАЩll negate the treatment! Surely youтАЩve heard of
тАШear-candling.тАЩ An essential part of bibliostetrics.тАЭ

I quit wriggling and allowed the procedure to finish. After turning over,