"George Alec Effinger - Maureen Birnbaum in the MUD" - читать интересную книгу автора (Effinger George Alec)

in the market for chainmail today?"

She gave me one of her little tsk noises. "What, I can't go into a store and browse around
little? Where does it say I can't just look at prices?"

She picked up a Cloak of Invisibility that she couldn't have paid for if she had all the mo
Daddy made when he sold his silver to the Hunt brothers. "You don't find quality like this e
on Seventh Avenue," she goes, and she tossed the cloak aside like it was some horrible thin
I'd given her for her birthday.

That's when I guessed it wasn't really Mom. My real Mom would've tossed the cloak as
all right, but then she'd have given it a disdainful look and told the shopkeeper, "You'll acce
ten dollars, I might take it off your hands." This near-Mom hadn't even tried to bargain.

"Hey," I go, "who are you really?"

She took a breath and heaved a sigh. It was very authentic. "My name, Maureen, is Glori
I am called Glorian of the Knowledge by some, yet I have other names, many other names. I
a supernatural personage of ancient power and wisdom, here to guide you on your appointe
quest."

"I hate these goddamn quests," I go. And I do, too. Like why can't I accidentally whoosh
myself to a nice beach with clean white sand and warm water and a few eager Brad Pitt typ
and a pitcher of strawberry daiquiris and, you know, no one expecting me to defend or resc
anybody at all for a couple of weeks. That doesn't seem to be in the cards for good old
Maureen.

"No one enjoys quests," Glorian goes. "It wouldn't be much of a trial if it was all fun and
laughter."

I turn on my Number Three Frown-you know: I Really Don't Have Time For This. And I
like, "No way I can just whoosh on out of here and bag this whole quest thing, huh?"

Glorian-Mom smiled. "I'm sorry."

So I shrugged A warrior-woman's work is never done. "Then let's rally," I go.

"Cool." like my Mom would never say "Cool." Like anybody called "Glorian of the
Knowledge" would ever say "Cool," either. Yet, Bitsy, it happened: I was there.

Now here's a secret Maureen Birnbaum makeup tip for you. After you put on the darker
shade of eye shadow, you want to dab on just an eensy amount of the under-color right in th
middle of the eyelid-where did that Caramel Smoke go?-okay, here. Watch. Now, if Prince
Van was the disco type, I'd put some gold glitter there instead. But he's not, and I'm not, and
you probably wouldn't even have-

You do? Well, get rid of it.

So then this Glorian goes, "There are a number of ground rules, of course, but I'll explai
them as we go along. The first thing you must know is that you'll need certain supplies: arm