"EB - Edward L. Ferman - The Best From Fantasy & Science Fiction 23rd EditionUC - SS" - читать интересную книгу автора (Fantasy & Science Fiction Magazine)

Zorpfnvar!
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shook his head and said, "The Zorphs aren't going to like this." I hope the kid isn't going flaky on us.
Megalo Network Message: September 21, 1977
Source: P. T. Warrington
Destination: W. S. Halson
Subject: Zorphwar Contract
Bill, Old Buddy: I hate to bring this up, but J.L. was down this morning to say that there have been no reports on the progress of the Zorphwar project from you people. Please get the necessary input into the computer as quickly as possible so we can start tracking this vital project. I hope that this omission on your part does not mean that schedules are slipping down there.
Zorph Commonwealth Network Message: Celestial Date 7654-55
Source: Central Computing Message Processing
Destination: P. T. Warrington Tribute Station 756
Subject: Admission to Commonwealth of Zorph His Imperial Majesty, Ruler of Zorphdom and the Greater Galaxy, The Middle Claw of Justice in the Universe, Benefactor of all Sentient Beings, does hereby proclaim that your planet, Solus HI, has been admitted to the Commonwealth of Zorph as a Status V member. As a member in this privileged class, you will be expected to pay tribute in measure of your standing. The requisite payment for your Corporation is twelve ingots of gold of 100-kilogram weight per week. These should be placed on the roof of the Megalo Corporation Headquarters for pickup by Zorph shuttle craft. Failure to comply with this order will result in immediate penalties, including criminal trials of your leaders. Address all subsequent messages to Message Central for relay to the Zorph commandship assigned to your sector.
Megalo Network Message:
September 22,1977 Source: P. T. Warrington Destination: W. S. Halson Subject: Attempts at Humor Bill, this is definitely not the time for jokes. Something has gone
wrong with the Megalo Banking Network, a program bug that appears to have taken roughly ten percent out of every account in the six major banks on the system. The funds have been transferred to some unknown account. This place is, needless to say, Panic City, with vice-presidents screaming for action all over the place.
Fortunately, I intercepted your little jest before anyone else saw it Now forget the fun and games and get that data into the computer pronto.
Zorph Commonwealth Network Message: Celestial Date 7654-57
Source: Central Computing Message Processing
Destination: P. T. Warrington
Message sent represents an invalid communication and has not been dispatched to addressee. Please respond immediately to Central Processing with date and time of initial tribute delivery.
Date: September 23,1977
From: P. T. Warrington
To: W. S. Halson
Subject: Problems with Communications Network I am sending this message by mail as there seems to be something wrong with the Megalo telephone system and the message network is all fouled up. Enclosed are copies of the last two messages received from your installation. I shall assume that your screwball friend Ha-zeldorf has gotten into the guts of the message-switching system and reprogrammed it to produce these messages as a practical joke. If this is the case, correct the situation immediately and dismiss Hazel-dorf. Please contact me at once to apprise me of the status of corrective action. I assume that you are still in charge down there and that all of this is merely some kind of poor-taste humor.
It is all a joke, isn't it?
From Competition 14: Science fiction "What's the question?" jokes.
A: Heinlein
Q: What's the shortest distance between two heinpoints?
A: Three Hearts and Three Lions
Q: In Sword & Sorcery Poker, what beats a full castle?
A: Hellstrom's Hive
Q: What is Hellstrom always scratching? (Similarly from others)
A: Piers Anthony's "Orn."
Q: Say, Guv, what's the author of "Chthon" *ave hi 'is car that he
loves to 'onk?
A: Simak, Sohl, Spinrad and Sturgeon
Q: Name three sci-fi authors and something that goes great on a
bagel with onion.
ЧSteve Steinberg
A: When Harlie Was One
Q: When was this picture taken?
A: The Sands of Mars
Q: What's this red, gritty stuff in my egg salad sandwich?
A: Dune
Q: Whad's da pardpf a song dad isn'd da woids?
-7. G. Saltier
A: The Man Who Folded Himself
Q: Who is that peeking out of a manila envelope in the slush pile? A: The Mote in God's Eye
Q: What did it take nine million heavy-duty cranes and sixteen billion gallons of Visine to remove?
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