"Hamilton,.Laurell.K.-.Anita.Blake.-.12.-.Incubus.Dreams" - читать интересную книгу автора (Hamilton Laurell K)

He let go of his hair, and the wind whipped it around his face, but he ignored it now. He hugged himself, held himself tight. I wanted to go to him, wanted to hold him, but heТd said no. I had to respect that, had to, but damn, damn.
УHe didnТt beat me the next time, he took a knife to me. He cut my face up, took the nose, ate it.Ф He gave a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. УJesus, it hurt, and it bled. God, it bled.Ф
I touched his arm, tentatively, gently. He didnТt tell me to go away. I eased my arms around him and found that he was trembling, a fine tremor that went from the top of his head down his entire body. I held him in my arms and wished I knew what to say.
He whispered against my hair. УWhen it grew back, but not all the way back, he beat me again. New flesh is more tender than old, and when it broke enough times, it stayed broken. It didnТt heal perfectly, and once heТd messed me up, he seemed satisfied. Now that Chimera isnТt here to mess me up, my nose is healing. ItТs getting straighter, every time I come back from leopard form.Ф He leaned in against me, slowly, as if he had to fight to let the tension go. He stayed like that, relaxing by inches, while I held him and rubbed his back in useless circles.
Normal people would have told him lies, like itТs alright, IТm here, but he deserved better than lies. УHeТs dead, Micah. HeТs dead, and he canТt hurt you anymore. He canТt hurt anyone anymore.Ф
He gave another sound, half swallowed laugh, half sob. УNo, he canТt, because you killed him. You killed him, Anita. I couldnТt kill him. I couldnТt protect my people. I couldnТt protect them.Ф He began to collapse to his knees, and if I hadnТt caught him, heТd have fallen. But I did catch him, and I lowered us both to the edge of grass near the trees. I sat on the grass and held him, rocked him, while he cried, not for himself, but for all the people he couldnТt save.
I held him until the crying quieted, then stopped, and I held him some more in the windswept silence. I held him and let the October wind wash us both clean. Clean of sadness, clean of that horrible urge I had to tear things down. I made myself a promise sitting there in the grass, with the feel of him wrapped around my body. I promised not to poke at things anymore. I promised not to break things if they were working. I promised not to stir up shit, if it didnТt have to be stirred. I said a little prayer to help me keep those promises. Because, God knew, that the chances of me keeping any of those promises without divine intervention were slim to none.


7

By the time Nathaniel and Jason came looking for us Micah was back to normal. Normal for Micah meant that if I hadnТt seen him break down, even I wouldnТt have guessed. In fact, he was so back to normal that it made me wonder how many other breakdowns IТd missed. Or had I caused this one? Was he able to maintain absolute control as long as no one made him look at it? Of course, even if that were true, that didnТt sound very healthy. Oh, hell, maybe we all needed therapy. If I took the entire pard in, maybe we could get a group discount.
Nathaniel sat on the other side of me, putting me in the middle. He sat so that the line of his body touched mine as much as possible. There was a time when IТd have made him give me breathing space, but I understood the shapeshifterТs need for physical contact now. Besides, making Nathaniel move over an inch when he slept mostly naked in my bed nearly every night would have been silly. Jason just stood and looked down at all of us. He looked unnaturally solemn, at least for him, then suddenly he broke into a grin. Now he looked like himself.
УItТs after midnight, we thought youТd be outside feeding the ardeur.Ф His grin was way too wicked to match the mildish words.
УIТm able to go longer between feedings,Ф I said, Уsometimes fourteen, or even sixteen hours.Ф
УOh, pooh,Ф he said, and stamped his foot, pouting. It was a wonderful imitation of a childish snit, except for the devilish twinkle in his eye. УI was hoping to take another one for the team.Ф
I frowned at him, but couldnТt make it go all the way up to my eyes. Jason amused me, I donТt know why, but he always had. УI donТt think weТll be needing your services tonight, thanks for offering though.Ф
He gave an exaggerated sigh. УI am never going to get to have sex with you again, am I?Ф
УDonТt take this wrong, Jason, but I hope not. The sex was amazing, but what put you in my bed was an emergency. If I canТt control the ardeur better than that, then IТm not safe to be out in public alone.Ф
УIt was my fault,Ф Nathaniel said, voice soft.
I turned my head and was close enough to the side of his face to have kissed his cheek. I wanted to make him move, to give me more room, but I fought the urge off. I was just being grumpy. УIt was my fault if it was anyoneТs, Nathaniel.Ф
MicahТs so-calm voice came from my other shoulder. УIt was Belle MorteТs fault, the wicked, sexy vampire of the west. If she hadnТt been messing with Anita, trying to use the ardeur to control her, then it wouldnТt have risen hours ahead of schedule.Ф Belle Morte, Beautiful Death, was the creator of Jean-ClaudeТs bloodline. IТd never met her in physical person, but IТd met her metaphysically, and that had been bad enough. Micah laid a hand across my shoulders, but managed to put his hand on NathanielТs shoulder, too. Comforting us both. УYou havenТt collapsed since AnitaТs been able to stretch the feedings out more.Ф
Nathaniel sighed so heavily that I felt the movement against my body. УI havenТt gotten stronger, she has.Ф He sounded so sad, so disappointed in himself.
I leaned in against his shoulder, enough that Micah was able to literally hug us both at the same time. УIТm your Nimir-Ra, IТm supposed to be stronger, right?Ф
He gave me a faint smile.
I laid my head on his shoulder, curving my face into the bend of his neck, and getting that whiff of vanilla. HeТd always smelled like vanilla to me. IТd thought once it was shampoo, or soap, but it wasnТt. It was his scent for me. I hadnТt had the courage yet to ask Micah if NathanielТs skin smelled like vanilla to him, too. Because I wasnТt sure what it would mean if I was the only one who found NathanielТs scent so very sweet.
УYou want to ask Anita something,Ф Jason said.
Nathaniel tensed against me, then in a small voice, he asked, УDo I still get my dance?Ф
It was my turn to tense. I couldnТt control it, it was involuntary. Nathaniel got very still beside me, because heТd felt it, too. I didnТt want to dance, that was true, but I also had a very clear memory of thinking, just minutes ago with Micah, that IТd rather have been dancing. IТd messed up once tonight, I didnТt want to do it twice. УSure, dancing sounds great.Ф
That made Micah and Nathaniel pull back enough to look at me. Jason was just staring down at me. УWhat did you say?Ф Nathaniel said.
УI said, dancing sounds great.Ф Their astonishment almost made it worthwhile.
УWhere is Anita, and what have you done with her?Ф Jason asked, face mock serious.
I didnТt try to explain. I couldnТt figure out a slick way of saying to Micah, IТd rather have danced, and itТs my fault we missed it, without spilling his secrets in front of Nathaniel and Jason. So I just stood, and offered my hand to Nathaniel.
After a second of staring at it, and me, he took it, almost tentatively, as if he were afraid IТd take it back. I think heТd come ready for an argument about the dancing, and not getting one had thrown him.
I smiled at the surprise on his face. УLetТs go inside.Ф
He gave me one of his rare full-out smiles, the one that made his entire face light up. For that one smile, IТd have given him a lot more than just a dance.


8

Of course, my good intentions lasted about as long as it took to be escorted onto the dance floor. Then suddenly I was expected to dance. In front of people. In front of people that were mostly cops. Cops that I worked with on a regular basis. No one is as merciless if you give them ammunition, no pun intended, as a bunch of policemen. If I danced badly, IТd be teased. If I danced well, IТd be teased worse. If they realized I was dancing well with a stripper, the teasing would be endless. If they realized I was dancing badly with a stripper, the jokes would be, well, bad. Either way you cut it, I was so screwed.
I felt fourteen again, and awkward as hell. But it was almost impossible to be awkward with Nathaniel as your partner. Maybe it was his day job, but he knew how to bring out the best in someone on the dance floor. All I had to do was let go of my inhibitions and follow his body. Easy, maybe, but not for me. I like the few inhibitions I have left, thank you, and IТm going to cling to them as long as I can.
What I was clinging to now was Nathaniel. Not much scares me, not really, but airplane rides, and dancing in public are on that short list. My heart was in my throat, and I kept fighting the urge to stare at my feet. The men had spent an afternoon proving that I could dance, at home, with only people who were my friends watching. But suddenly, in public in front of a less than friendly audience, all my lessons seemed to have fled. I was reduced to clinging to NathanielТs hand and shoulder, turning in those useless circles that have nothing to do with the song, and everything to do with fear, and the inability to dance.
УAnita,Ф Nathaniel said.
I kept staring at my feet, and trying to not see that we were being watched from around the room.
УAnita, look at me, please.Ф
I raised my face, and whatever he saw in my eyes made him smile, and filled his own eyes with a sort of soft wonderment. УYou really are afraid.Ф He said it like he hadnТt believed it before.
УWould I ever admit to being afraid, if I wasnТt?Ф
He smiled. УGood point.Ф His voice was soft. УJust look at my face, my eyes, no one else matters but the person youТre dancing with. Just donТt look at anyone else.Ф
УYou sound like youТve given this advice before.Ф