"Harry Harrison & David Bischoff - Bill the Galactic Hero 6 -" - читать интересную книгу автора (Harrison Harry)

was a particularly obnoxious specimen of its breed, with razor-sharp scales gleaming with sadistic
highlights, its claws like sharpened sickles. The hideous creature's eyes glowed with satanic evil, while
saliva mixed with human blood trickled down its green body to its muscle-bulging legs and tail, wrapped
modestly in chartreuse and lightning-silver Danskins. Fierce, hypnotic evil glimmered in the diamond-
facet eyes. The thing looked like the revolting result of a misprinted copy of AC/DC sado-maso Comix,
thought Sergeant Bill of Phigerinadon II. Bill much preferred Furville Comix.
KILL A CHINGER FOR KRISHNA! declared the paisley three-dimensional letters glowing and
revolving like psychedelic barbershop posts.
Bill stared at the thing thoughtfully, while tooth-picking from around his fangs the repulsive remains of
this morning's sludge-in-a-bowl the galley had squeezed out to him.
"Pretty impressive, huh?" said the man behind the desk. A flickering holoslab labeled him as HERVIL
SKIMMILQUETOAST. "That's the new design from the Emperor's Own Office of Accurate and Efficient
Information." The guy was typical desk jockey meat, short, stupid and inefficient, with some sort of birth
defect that made him look like a crocodile: green skin, bumps, pointy teeth and all. There were a lot of
mutants in the galaxy, and as long as there was radiation, botched genetic gene-splicing and permits for
Hollywoodworld producers to reproduce even more, there always would be. But that was okay, since you
had to have people to run the Galactic Bureaucracy, and every other able-bodied son-of-a-bitch got
shanghaied into the Troopers and paid the Emperor's credit debit. As long as they had a brain somewhere
behind their alien eyes, could hunt and peck on their computer terminal and didn't short out
communications wiring with their drool, they were prime paper-pusher material. "They say they used a
real Chinger for photo-reference. Real arm, too. Bit of a scandal when it got et and they couldn't return it
to the guy who loaned it тАФ but that goes to show you. You can't trust a Chinger as far as you can blow
them ... I mean snow them...." He took his clawed finger out of a cavernous nostril, examined it
unhappily, then pushed it back for a good root around. "Hmmm. Just what do I mean?"
There was just one thing that seemed to be normal about this specimen from the Sears and Geekbuck
catalog, observed Bill. And he leaned over the desk, giving his best Galactic-Trooper-makes-nice-nice
grin. "Nice foot you got there, greeny," said Bill.
"Huh?" The bureaucrat ceased his nostril drilling, leaned forward in his chair, and blinked hard.
"I said, nice foot. Or I guess it would be, if you didn't have it in that shoe. Mind if I have a look?"
"Uhm ... Mr. Trooper..."
"The name's Bill, buddy. Trooper Bill." Bill had to stop himself from grabbing the man by the throat and
throttling him in a friendly drill instructor/recruiter love grip. This wasn't boot camp, but тАФ and it was
Bill's favorite game тАФ a strange, warped variation on "Footsie."
"Trooper Bill. Did I hear you correctly? You want to look at my foot."
"Yeah. I got this thing for feet. Call it a podiatry problem. Pedophilia, the shrink called it. And I got a
little foot problem, too. It's irresistible тАФ my little toe begins to itch тАФ I can't control myself тАФ arrgh!"
With no further ado, Bill lifted his leg up, plopped a naked foot upon the saurian bureaucrat's desk and
scratched enthusiastically at his toe. And what a foot! It had twelve toes, gold toenails тАФ and the skin was
Royal Stuart tartan.
The guy's eyes bugged impressively, his jaw sagged тАФ then snapped shut with an impressive clattering of
fangs.


file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Har...Planet%20of%20The%20Hippies%20From%20Hell.htm (2 of 91) [10/15/2004 5:51:10 PM]
 Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of The Hippies From Hell

"Jumpin' Jupiter Juice! That's some foot. Might I be so presumptuous as to ask тАФ what happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened. Completely by accident I shot the original one off on a planet called Veniola,
that's what happened." He sniffed in self-pitying memory. "That's not easy to do, you know."
"But ... but ... if I may be so bold to ask тАФ" the guy had an annoying whine to his voice, kind of like the