"Harry Harrison & David Bischoff - Bill the Galactic Hero 6 -" - читать интересную книгу автора (Harrison Harry)

sound a whoopee cushion makes on its last wheeze тАФ "why?"
"Simple. It was the only way they'd let me off the planet. They had to ship me out because they were short
of replacement feet. Eventually they just gave me a new foot and put me back on duty. But at least it was
on a different planet."
"That foot?" said Herv.
"Not this one, idiot, another one. I've had so many feet I should be a mile by now. I've had so many feet I
feel like a podiatrist's lab. I've had so many feet тАФ"
The guy got a weird, frightened look on his face. "Oh, I get it," he simpered. "I've heard about you
Troopers, locked up on those dreadnoughts for years without female companionship. Something has to
snap тАФ and often does, that's what I heard. So you've got this thing for feet."
Bill leaned over the desk with a menacing scowl. "Watch it, bowb. You calling me a prevert?"
"No, no, Trooper Bill," whinnied the clerk, recoiling, suddenly aware of those rolling trapezius, deltoid
and triceps that bulged from Bill's frame like an inflated scuba suit. "Look, it's just not normal for me to,
uh, show summoned agents my foot!" The guy made a conciliatory grin, but Bill was going to go for his
throat anyway. He was interrupted by a squawk over the loudspeaker.
"Skimmilquetoast! Is that the Trooper I sent for who is bellowing out his brains out there?"
"Yes sir," said Herv, looking with trepidation up at Bill.
"Just a peek, huh? I promise I won't touch it!"
"What are you two doing out there, playing 'Doctor'? Send the sphincter-muscle in!" The intercom
clicked off with a burst of static.
"C'mon, be a pal," said Bill. "I'll give you a cred-chit! I've got some Betelgeuse love beads with lots of
juice. They're yours! How about a тАФ"
"No. No, nothing. Here, if that's all you want, just look and then get the hell into the office before I lose
my stupid job!" The clerk quickly took off his shoe and then his sock. He held up his pale green foot for
Bill to see.
Bill sighed.
It was the most exquisite foot that Bill had ever seen.
From well-formed heels to perfect arches down to pedicured toenails painted pink, it looked like a
Michelangelo sculpture or a Raphael painting of an angel. Albeit green. Bill's foot (on the other hand, or
other foot) looked like garbage can modern.
"Nice foot," said Bill pleasantly. "Thanks."
"But what about your other one. Isn't that normal?"
Bill shook his head. "Flat. Broken toes. Corns on the cob. Usual Trooper's foot. You must be a very proud
man. Cherish your foot, my friend." He wiped back a tear. "Well, I'd better see what this bowbhead
wants."
Bill squared his shoulders and marched into the main office of J. Edgar Insufledor, deputy director of Anti-
Chinger and Commupop Menace Operations of the GBI.
As soon as he marched in, he found himself directly in the sights of a Mark Thousand and Two Howitzer
Laser Cannon. This piece of artillery sprouted from the Deputy Director's desk, which was made of


file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Har...Planet%20of%20The%20Hippies%20From%20Hell.htm (3 of 91) [10/15/2004 5:51:10 PM]
 Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of The Hippies From Hell

riveted gray steel.
"Halt! Or be blown apart!"
Bill halted. He raised his hands in the time-honored signal for surrender, lack of weapons and requesting
to go to the little boy's room. "It's just me. Trooper Bill. Loyal Trooper. Reporting as requested. Sir!"
"You sure you're not a Chinger spy!" growled the voice. Bill could see a grizzled crewcut grizzling up
from behind the armorclad desk.