"Harry Harrison & Robert Sheckley - Bill the Galactic Hero 3 " - читать интересную книгу автора (Harrison Harry)

"A discharge?"
"Yes, Bill! You could go home!"
Bill was visited by a wave of nostalgia as he thought of his home world, Phigerinadon, and how much he
wanted to see it.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Of course I'm sure. Just go to the recruiting officer when you get back. He'll set everything in motion for
you."
"That's just great," Bill said. "The only trouble is, this is a suicide mission and I'm unlikely to come back
from it. And if I don't come back, no discharge, right?"
"You will come back," Brownnose said. "I guarantee it."
"How do you figure?"
"Because, after I volunteered you, I also volunteered myself. So I could look after you, Bill."
"You can't even look after yourself," Bill pointed out. He sighed. "I guess it was pretty nice of you to
want to help me, Brownnose, but I wish you hadn't."
"I realize that now, Bill," Brownnose said, extricating himself from Bill's grasp and slinking away from
the boiler, which had been growing uncomfortably torrid. He could see that the moment of immediate
danger was over. Bill got hot under the collar sometimes, but if you could just avoid instant mayhem, he
soon cooled off again.
"Anyhow," Bill said, "how could you volunteer me? Only I can volunteer me."
"You've sure got a point there," Brownnose said. "Maybe you should take it up with the computer."
"Hello again," the military computer said. "You were in here recently, weren't you? Excuse me for asking
but the old eyesight's not what it used to be. My image orthicon is wearing out. Not that anyone or
anything cares." It snivelled mechanically, a repellent sound.
"I came in here about my foot," Bill said loudly, disgusted at all the electronic self-pity.
"Your foot? I never forget a foot! Let me see it."
Bill displayed his foot to the computer's vision plate.
"Hooee," the computer said. "That's a beauty of an alligator's tootsy. But I've never seen that foot before.
I told you, I never forget a foot."
"Of course you remember it," Bill whined. "Because you looked at it when I was in here before. What
kind of computer could forget that?"
"I didn't say I forgot, computers can't forget, it's just that I haven't thought about it lately," the computer
said. "Just a minute, let me consult my data banks. I never forget a reference to a foot, either.... Yes, here


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 Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Bottled Brains

it is. You're right, you did say something about your foot. And I directed you to the Officer's Ready
Room."
"That's right. And the officers there said that by coming in I had volunteered for hazardous duty."
"Yes, that's all correct," the computer said. "When they asked me for a volunteer, I sent them the first one
who came in."
"Me?"
"You."
"But I didn't volunteer."
"Tough titty. I mean I am so sorry, but you did. Inferentially."
"Beg pardon?"
"I inferred that you would have volunteered if asked. We have special circuits that allow us to use
inferences."
"But you could have asked me!" Bill shouted angrily.