"Robert A. Heinlein - To Sail Beyond the Sunset" - читать интересную книгу автора (Heinlein Robert A)

the manager will take an axe to your rusty gizzard and install a Burroughs-
Libby analogue brain in your place. Who shaved the barber? What do your
case studies say about that? Moron.тАЩ
This time I got a female voice. тАЪManagerтАЩs office. How may I help you?тАЩ
тАЪYou can take this dead man out of my bed!тАЩ
Short pause. тАЪHousekeeping, Hester speaking. How may we help you?тАЩ
тАЪThereтАЩs a dead man in my bed. I donтАЩt like it. Untidy:
Another pause. тАЪCaesar Augustus Escort Service, serving all tastes. Do I
understand that one of our gentleman companions died in your bed?тАЩ
тАЪI donтАЩt know who he is; I just know that heтАЩs dead. Who takes care of such
things? Room service? Garbage removal? House physician? And I want the
sheets changed, too.тАЩ
This time they gave me background music while I waited... and waited -
through the first two operas of the Ring Cyde and well into the third.
тАЪAccounting and bookkeeping, our Mister Munster speaking. That room was
not rented for double occupancy. There will be an additional -тАЪ
тАЪLook, buster, itтАЩs a corpse. I donтАЩt think a corpse counts toward тАЮdouble
occupancyтАЬ. Blood is dripping off the bed and on to your rug. If you donтАЩt get
somebody up here right away, that rug will be ruined.тАЩ
тАЪThere will be a charge for damage to the rug. That is more than normal wear
and tear.тАЩ
тАЪGrrr!тАЩ
тАЪI beg your pardon?тАЩ
тАЪI am about to set fire to the drapes?
тАЪYouтАЩre wasting your time; those drapes are fireproof. But your threat has
been recorded. Under the Rooming House Act, section seven dee -тАЪ
тАЪGet this dead man out of here!тАЩ
тАЪPlease hold. IтАЩll connect you with the head porter.тАЩ
тАЪYou do and IтАЩll shoot him as he comes through the door. I bite. I scratch. IтАЩm
foaming at the mouth. I havenтАЩt had my shots.тАЩ
тАЪMadam, please contain yourself. We pride ourselves on -тАЪ
тАЪAnd then IтАЩll come down to your office and find you, Mister monster Munster,
and pull you out of your chair and sit down in it myself and turn you over my
knee and take your pants down and... Did I mention that I am from Hercules
Gamma? Two and a half gravities surface acceleration; we eat your sort for
lunch. So stay where you are; donтАЩt make me have to hunt for you.тАЩ
тАЪMadam, I regret that I must tell you that you cannot sit in my chair.тАЩ
тАЪWant to bet?тАЩ
тАЪI do not Nave a chair; I am securely bolted to the floor. And now I must bid
you good day and turn you over to our security force. You will find the
additional charges on your statement of account. Enjoy your stay with us.тАЩ
They showed up too quickly; I was still eyeing those fireproof drapes,
wondering if I could do as well with them as Scarlet OтАЩHara had with the
drapes at Tara, or could I arrange a simple toga, like Eunice in The Last
Days of Pompeii (or was she in Quo Vadis?), when they arrived: a house
doc, a house dick, and a house ape, the last with a cart. Several more
oddments crowded in after them, until we had enough to choose sides.
I need not have worried about being naked; no one seemed to notice... which
irked me. Gentlemen should at least leer. And a wolf whistle or other
applause would not be out of place. Anything less makes a woman feel