"Katherine Kurtz - Kelson - The Quest for Saint Camber" - читать интересную книгу автора (Kurtz Katherine)

УTell me what happened next, Duncan,Ф he whispered. УBefore you left the chapel, you did something else. What was it?Ф
Duncan drew a deep breath and let it out audibly, making a conscious effort to relax.
УWe knew that marriage was a sacrament that two people give to one another. We also knew that our own administering of that sacrament was irregular. But we wanted to make it as special and holy as we could, without a priest. So I-went up to the altar and-took a ciborium from the tabernacle.Ф
УWasnТt it locked?Ф Wolfram muttered.
But Cardiel only hushed him as Kelson shook his head and urged Duncan to go on.
УYou took out a ciborium,Ф Kelson repeated, glossing over the opening of the tabernacle and the memory of Deryni powers brought into play to drop the tumblers of the doorТs tiny lock into place. УThen what did you do?Ф
УI-brought it down to the altar step and knelt beside Maryse. Then we-gave one another Holy Communion. We-knew it wasnТt normally allowed, but I was accustomed to handling the altar vessels when I served Mass. And we couldnТt have a nuptial Mass...Ф
УI take it,Ф Arilan interjected softly, Уthat everything was done with due reverence for the Blessed Sacrament?Ф
УYes,Ф Duncan breathed.
УI think there can be no doubt that the intent was there to solemnize a valid and sacramental marriage,Ф Cardiel said quietly. УArilan? Wolfram?Ф
As both nodded, Cardiel went on.
УBut one final question must be asked, then. Where and when was the marriage consummated? You need not give any further details beyond that.Ф
Duncan smiled dreamily, grateful for the kindness.
УAfter we had finished in the chapel, we stole away to the stable loft, snug and hidden in the sweet-smelling hay. Innocent that I was, it never even occurred to me to wonder whether our one painfully brief union might have borne fruit. And communication, once she would have known, was impossible, given the bad blood between our two clans. Perhaps she tried to write to me and tell me, but no messenger ever reached me. It was only & full year later that I learned she had died the previous winter, ostensibly of a fever. The first inkling I had otherwise was when, a year ago, I saw Dhugal wearing the cloak clasp I had given Maryse.Ф
When Duncan had finished, it remained only for Dhugal himself, the offspring of that union, to come forward and offer as final evidence the tokens his parents had exchanged that long ago night in the chapel of Culdi: the cloak clasp bearing the sleeping lionТs head, its concealed compartment still containing the ring woven of DuncanТs and MaryseТs tears intertwined, and the honey-colored lump of shiral that Dhugal had worn since that day, now a year long past, when he and his father had finally discovered their true relationship.
УKeep it,Ф Duncan had said, Уin memory of your Mother.Ф
УBut, that leaves you with nothing of hers,Ф Dhugal had protested.
УIt leaves me with everything,Ф Duncan had replied. УI have her son.Ф
Now father and son stood a little shyly in a windowed alcove opening off the kingТs dayroom, still savoring the heady triumph of the archbishopТs tribunal and the more creaturely satisfaction of the hot meal Kelson had ordered sent in upon their return. The king, Morgan, Nigel, and Arilan continued to converse over the remnants of that meal, but Dhugal had felt the need for more private counsel with his father. As he and Duncan moved a little farther into the alcove, out of sight and earshot of the others, the coppery streak of his border braid made bold contrast against the Unadorned black that he, like his father, had donned for the morningТs solemn proceedings.
УI know you told me before, but IТd forgotten that you and Maryse gave one another communion after you made your vows,Ф Dhugal said in a low voice, looking out at the rain while he fingered the shiral crystal that had been his BrotherТs. УOf course, you would have. In fact, you were a priest even then, werenТt you?-even though youТd not been ordained or even started in holy orders. Yet you were willing to give it all up for her.Ф
Duncan sighed and set both hands on one of the horizontal hands of iron supporting the mullioned window panes, leaning his forehead against the cool glass as he stared, unseeing, at the rain beyond. At midafternoon, it was nearly dark already, but not nearly so dark as that dark night of the soul through which he had gone that long-ago summer.
УI thought I was willing,Ф he said, after a moment. УI l fully intended to give it up, at the time. And yet, I suppose I was already a priest. I guess IТve always known that, but: I-put it aside when I met your mother. I used to wonder ? if that was why God took her from me-because I was His priest.Ф
УWhy did He let you fall in love, then?Ф Dhugal demanded. УWas He only testing you? And then, when you ? failed the test, did He kill her, so you couldnТt have her?Ф
Duncan looked up sharply at the bitterness in DhugalТs voice, hearing an echo of his own rebellious anger when he learned that Maryse had died.
УDhugal, no!Ф he whispered. УItТs true that she died, son, but He didnТt kill her. If IТve learned anything in thirty-odd years of living, itТs that HeТs a loving God. He doesnТt I slay His children-though, for His own reasons. He some times lets them suffer adversities that we donТt understand, i She might have died bearing anyoneТs child. I donТt think she was singled out because she dared to love a man God: intended as His own.Ф
As he looked out at the rain again, remembering what it had cost him to truly believe what he had just said, Dhugal snorted and turned away, shoulders rigid with rebellion.
УI understand what youТre feeling,Ф Duncan said, after a few seconds. УIn some ways, you may be right. It may well be that God was testing me-and that I did, indeed, fail. For a while, after I heard sheТd died, I used to think so. But now I wonder if there wasnТt another reason He brought me С and Maryse together. He still wanted me for His own, but- maybe thatТs the only way you could be born.Ф
УMe?Ф
As Dhugal turned to stare at him aghast, Duncan smiled gently.
УYouТre so like Alaric sometimes. HeТs another who 1 doesnТt like to think heТs been the subject of HeavenТs special attention. Ask him sometime, if you donТt believe me.Ф
УWell, it does take some getting used to.Ф
УWhy? DonТt you think God has a plan for each of us?Ф
УWell, of course,Ф Dhugal said uncomfortably. УBut only in a general sort of way. We have free willФ
УTo an extent,Ф Duncan agreed. УBut what was my will, set against the will of God, Dhugal? He wanted me to be His priest. IТm not sure I ever had a choice in the matter-not really. Not that I mind,Ф he added. УNot now, at any rate, and not for many years-though I certainly minded after your motherТs death.
УBut thereТs a certain heady comfort in knowing one has been chosen, warts and all. I donТt know why He wanted me so badly, but other than that one brief flare-up of rebellion-which may have been all in His plan anyway-IТve been content in His service. No, more than content. HeТs brought me joy. And one of my greatest joys, though I didnТt know it for a long, long time, is that He let me sire you- and all without compromising His honor.Ф
Dhugal, much moved, turned awkwardly to gaze out the window again, all but blinking back tears.
УWhat about His laws?Ф he asked after a moment. УThe ones that forbid Deryni to seek the priesthood.Ф
УLaws are written by men, Dhugal, even if God inspires them- Sometimes men misunderstand.Ф
Dhugal glanced sidelong at his father.
УWhat if Maryse hadnТt died, though? Would you still have become a priest? For that matter, did she know what you were?Ф
УThat I was Deryni? Of course. I told her that afternoon, before we were wed.Ф
УAnd she didnТt mind?Ф
УDid she mind? Of course not. To her, it was the same kind of odd but useful talent as the second sight some of your borderers have-just a bit more diverse. IТm not sure she ever quite understood what all the fuss was about, though she knew it could mean my death if I were discovered. The border folk have always been a mystical people. Perhaps the terrible persecution of Deryni in the lowlands Сnever quite reached the same proportions in the borders and highlands.Ф
УAye, thatТs true enough,Ф Dhugal agreed. УBut you faiyenТt answered my other question. What would you have done, if she hadnТt died?Ф
Curiosity about what might have been, loyalty to the nether Dhugal had never really known-Duncan could hardly fault his son for any of that, but neither could he really give an answer. How was he to explain, without shattering whatever idealism might remain to this keen-eyed young man who had already lived so much and in such adversity?
УI honestly donТt know, Dhugal-and believe me, I asked myself the same question many times in those early years.Ф He twisted the bishopТs ring on his hand as he went on. УThe reality is that it would have been several years, at least, before the bitterness between our two clans had died down enough that we could acknowledge our marriage openly. MaryseТs pregnancy would have been seen as a dishonor to her clan, even if sheТd told her mother we were really married-which she may have done, since it was your grandmother who saw that you eventually got the cloak clasp IТd given Maryse as a bridal token. And thereТs no telling how long it might have been before she could get word to me. As it was, she never did.Ф
He sighed. УIn any case, because of the circumstances, you probably would have been brought up as a son of her mother, regardless-the easiest immediate way to cover up a daughterТs increasingly apparent indiscretion and save the honor of the clan. You were old CaulayТs grandson, after all, even if you werenТt his son. And heТd just lost a son. In time, when anger eventually cooled between the two clans, there would have been no problem acknowledging the marriage and you.Ф
УAnd would you have?Ф Dhugal persisted.
Duncan shrugged. УWeТll never know, will we? I entered the university at Grecotha in the fall, as planned. Not to have done so would have aroused suspicion-and besides, I loved the academic life. But I delayed taking my vows, waiting for the bad blood between the clans to dissipate.
УThen, when I heard the news the next summer-that sheТd died of a fever-there was no reason not to go ahead and make my profession, no reason to suspect you even existed. I grieved and I raged at heaven over the injustice of it, but life went on. I was tonsured at Michaelmas, and soon the memory of my brief flirtation with a secular life had taken on the aspect of a pleasant but fleeting dream.Ф He looked directly at Dhugal, catching the-amber eyes with his blue ones. УDoes it bother you that I canТt say, СYes, Dhugal, I definitely would have acknowledged the marriage and the son I didnТt know I hadТ?Ф