"Judith Merril - That Only A Mother UC" - читать интересную книгу автора (Merril Judith)

ThAT ONLY A MOTHER

by Judith Merril


Margaret reached over to the other side of the bed where Hank should have been. Her hand patted the empty pillow, and then she came altogether awake, wondering that the old habit should remain after so many months. She tried to curl up, cat-style, to hoard her own warmth, found she couldnТt do it any more, and climbed out of bed with a pleased awareness of her increasingly clumsy bulkiness.
Morning motions were automatic. On the way through the kitchenette, she pressed the button that would start breakfast cookingЧthe doctor had said to eat as much breakfast as she couldЧand tore the paper out of the facsimile machine. She folded the long sheet carefully to the УNational NewsФ section, and propped it on the bathroom shelf to scan while she brushed her teeth.
No accidents. No direct hits. At least none that had been officially released for publication. Now, Maggie, donТt get started on that. No accidents. No hits. Take the nice newspaperТs word for it.
The three clear chimes from the kitchen announced that breakfast was ready. She set a bright napkin and cheerful colored dishes on the table in a futile attempt to appeal to a faulty morning appetite. Then, when there was nothing snore to prepare, she went for the mail, allowing herself the full pleasure of prolonged anticipation, because today there would surely be a letter.
There was. There were. Two bills and a worried note from her mother: УDarling, why didnТt you write and tell me sooner? IТm thrilled, of course, but, well one
hates to mention these things, but are you certain the doctor was right? HankТs been around all that uranium or thorium or whatever it is all these years, and I know you say heТs a designer, not a technician, and he doesnТt get near anything that might be dangerous, but you know he used to, back at Oak Ridge. DonТt you think. . . well, of course, IТm just being a foolish old woman, and I donТt want you to get upset. You know much more about it than I do, and IТm sure your doctor was right. He should know..
Margaret made a face over the excellent coffee, and caught herself refolding the paper to the medical news.
Stop it, Maggie, stop it! The radiologist said HankТs job couldnТt have exposed him. And the bombed area we drove past . . . No, no. Stop it, now! Read the social notes or the recipes, Maggie girl.
A well-known geneticist, in the medical news, said that it was possible to tell with absolute certainty, at five months, whether the child would be normal, or at least whether the mutation was likely to produce anything freakish. The worst cases, at any rate, could be prevented. Minor mutations, of course, displacements in facial feautres, or changes in brain structure could not be detected. And there had been some cases recently, of normal embryos with atrophied limbs that did not develop beyond the seventh or eighth month. But, the doctor concluded cheerfully, the worst cases could now be predicted and prevented.
УPredicted and prevented.Ф We predicted it, didnТt we? Hank and the others, they predicted it. But we didnТt prevent it. We could have stopped if in С46 and С47. Now...
Margaret decided against the breakfast. Coffee had been enough for her in the morning for ten years; it would have to do for today. She buttoned herself into interminable folds of material that, the salesgirl had assured her, was the only comfortable thing to wear during the last few months. With a surge of pure pleasure, the letter and newspaper forgotten, she realized she was on the next to the last button. It wouldnТt be long now.
The city In the early morning had always been a special kind of excitement for her. Last night it had rained, and the sidewalks were still damp-gray instead of dusty. The air smelled the fresher, to a city-bred woman, for the occasional pungency of acrid factory smoke. She walked the six blocks to work, watching the lights go out in the all-night hamburger joints, where the plate-glass walls were already catching the sun, and the lights go on in the dim interiors of cigar stores and dry-cleaning establishments.
The office was in a new Government building. In the rolovator, on the way up, she felt, as always, like a frankfurter roll in the ascending half of an old-style rotary toasting machine. She abandoned the air-foam cushioning gratefully at the fourteenth floor, and settled down behind her desk, at the rear of a long row of identicat desks.
Each morning the pile of papers that greeted her was a little higher. These were, as everyone knew, the decisive months. The war might be won or lost on these calculations as well as any others. The manpower office had switched her here when her old expeditorТs job got to be too strenuous. The computer was easy to operate, and the work was absorbing, if not as exciting as the old job. But you didnТt just stop working these days. Everyone whoТ could do anything at all was needed.
AndЧshe remembered the interview with the psychotogistЧIТm probably the unstable type. Wonder what sort of neurosis IТd get sitting home reading that sensational paper...
She plunged into the work without pursuing the thought.


Februarjr 18.
Hank darling,
Just a noteЧfrom the hospital, no less. I had a dizzy spell at work, and the doctor took itto heart. Blessed if I know what Fil do with myself lying in bed for weeks, just waitingЧbut Dr. Boyer seems to think it may not be so long.
There are too many newspapers around her. More Infanticides all the time, and they canТt seem to get a
jury to convict any of them. ItТs the fathers who do it. Lucky thing youТre not around, in case-
- Oh, darling, that wasnТt a very funny joke, was it? Write as often as you can, will you? I have too much time to think. But there really isnТt anything wrong, and nothing to worry about.
Write often, and remember I love you.
Maggie.

SPECIAL SERVICE TELEGRAM
February 21, 1953
22:04 LK37G
From: Tech. Lieut. H. Marvell X47-016 GCNY
To: Mrs. H. Marvell WomenТs Hospital
New York City
HAD DOCTORТS GRAM STOP WILL ARRiVE FOUfl
OH TEN STOP -SHORT LEAVE STOP YOU DID -rr
MAGGIE STOP LOVE HANK -

February 25.
Hank dear,
So you didnТt see the baby either? YouТd think a place this size would~ at least have visiplates on the incubators, so the fathers could get a look, even if the poor benighted mommas canТt. They tell me I wonТt see her for another week, or maybe moreЧbut of course, mother always warned me if I didnТt slow my pace, IТd probably even have my babies too fast. Why must she always be right?
Did you meet that battle-ax of a nurse they put on here~? I imagine they save her for people whoТve already had theirs, Сand donТt let her get too near the prospec~ tivesЧbut a woman like that simply shouldnТt be altowed in a maternity ward. SheТs~ obsessed with mutations, canТt seem to talk about anything else. Oh, well, ours is all right, even if it was in an unholy hurry.
Fm tired. They warned me not to sit up too soon~ but I had to write you. All my love, darling,
Maggie.
February 29.
Darling,