"Robert Rankin - The Greatest Show Off Earth" - читать интересную книгу автора (Rankin Robert)

'Hello, George.' Raymond waggled his fingers in foolish greeting.
'Not me George. You George,' said the being.
'Me Raymond,' said Raymond. 'I mean, I'm Raymond. My name's Raymond.'
'Well, if anyone asks, say it's George. It makes things easier all the way round.'
'But I'm Raymond.'
The being consulted his clipboard. 'I have you down as George here, I'm afraid.'
'It's a mistake then.' Raymond suddenly brightened. It was all a mistake, that had to
be it.
'A mistake?' asked the being in a kindly tone.
'Yes.' Raymond bobbed up and down. 'You see I was on my allotment and there was
this flying starfish called Abdullah. And I passed this initiative test set by the Sultan of
Uranus for The Divine Council of Cosmic Superfolk.'
'Did you get a certificate?'
'No,' said Raymond. 'I didn't get a certificate.'
'Typical.' The being flicked through sheets of paper on his clipboard. 'Someone's
really fouled up this time.'
'Then it is all a mistake?' Raymond began to wring his hands in a pathetic pleading
fashion.
'Tell you what,' the being smiled upon Raymond in a manner that seemed to
momentarily warm him from head to naked toe, 'will you trust me to sort this out for you?'
'Yes indeed.' Raymond's head bobbed up and down.
'Well, you just take a little rest now. Go to sleep for a bit and I'll get it all fixed in no
time at all. What do you say?'
The golden eyes stared deeply into Raymond's. 'Go to sleep and it will all be well.'
'Go to sleep. Yes. Thank you.' The boy in the bubble smiled out at his silver saviour.
His eyelids became heavy and his head began to droop. All would be well.
'Sleep well.'
And Raymond would certainly have drifted off completely into a soft and silvery
slumber, had he not somehow managed to get a big toe jammed into the little airhole beneath
his seat.
'Ouch!' went Raymond, leaping up to free himself.
And, 'Ouch!' went Raymond again, as his head struck the top of the bubble.
And, 'Aaaeeeiii!' went Raymond, as sudden agony informed him that he had just sat
down upon two spherical portions of his anatomy, which should never ever be sat down upon.
Bent double in paroxysms of pain, his eyes starting from his head, Raymond sought help from
the silver being. But the being was striding away.
And the being wasn't listening. In fact, the being was laughing. Very loudly. And
between great guffaws of laughter Raymond caught just the two words. One was 'certificate'
and the other was 'schmuck'.
'You dirty rotten bas . . .' Raymond made fists, but he unmade them on the instant and
just stared dumb with disbelief. For something most extraordinary now occurred.
The laughing striding silver being seemed to blur and then in mid-stride, without a
broken step, it underwent a stunning transformation. No longer strode the sleek and shining
superman, now strode instead a thing all shaggy spines and dragging wattles. But one still
carrying a clipboard.
Raymond rubbed at his eyes, his pains forgotten. He had seen that, hadn't he? The
being had just pulled off the finest quick-change act this side of... where? Here obviously.
Raymond looked on in redoubled awe.
The being in its new form now stopped beside another bubble. Inside this something
thrashed around. Something all shaggy spines and waggling wattles. The being spoke to it