"When the loving gets rough" - читать интересную книгу автора (Scope Perry)

CHAPTER TWELVE

The past three days had been a blur to Karen. They aimlessly roamed the city, while Pat expounded at great length on the beauty of the world and creation. On the second day Pat had decided to change the rhythm. Walking, she decided, was too slow. So, at Pat's insistence, they had begun hitching rides with strange men. Many of the men were only too willing to take them on wild rides over the country. Everything they saw delighted and impressed Pat. Especially the hill near the freeway which sported a huge white cross. She had been immediately attracted to it. She had told the man who drove them to it, a middle-aged businessman who drove a big new car, that she always wanted to make love under a cross. The man, plainly excited by the beauty of the two girls, had responded by suggesting boldly that it might be arranged. Karen flinched as she remembered what had taken place after that. Pat had hustled her out of the car, told her that business might be combined with pleasure, and wore the girl down until Karen agreed to stand guard by the car while Pat fulfilled her dream under the cross for twenty dollars! Later, driving back to town, Pat had reverted to her initial excitement over the scenery they passed.

Karen listened to the shower rain down over Pat's body in the next room. She hardly cared what happened to them anymore. She did not know how she could sink any lower. She wondered listlessly what it was that kept her with Pat. The sexual part of their life was still good, but only when they made love in private, when it was more like love and less like kicks. That was becoming less and less common. Pat seemed to live for naked, blunt sensation. Karen wondered where all that sensitivity was that she had immediately seen in Pat. She wanted to laugh, but couldn't. She stayed because there was nowhere else to go, she stayed because there was nothing else for her anywhere, she stayed because she didn't know what it was she wanted and could see no point in further unsuccessful attempts to find out in still another woman's arms.

The phone rang harshly. Karen lifted the receiver reluctantly, wondering if it was one of the woman they knew organizing still another mass orgy.

"Hello?"

Karen recognized the hesitant voice instantly. She felt a lump grow in her throat. "Al!" He had never called before, had never made any attempt to contact her…

"Karen! Look – uh – how are you?" Allen could see into the bedroom from where he sat by the phone. He had sat dumbly staring into the room for an hour before he mustered the courage to call.

"I'm fine, Al. How are you?" She could picture his face clearly. She tried to hide her excitement. She hoped Pat would be in the shower as long as she usually was.

"I'm okay." He waited. The silence rebuked him. He took a deep breath and plunged into what he called to say. "Karen. I could go on for an hour I guess, with a lot of trivia. But I braced myself to make this call and I've got to say what I intended to, or I never will."

Karen was amazed at the firm gentleness of his tone. He sounded more… mature, more thoughtful. "All right, Al."

"Karen, first, let me tell you that I don't blame you for… what happened. I know now that I was so damn busy with me I forgot about us. I'll never stop being sorry about that. You were right. I was insensitive. I didn't try to see what it was like for you." Al paused to take a puff of the cigarette he had nervously lighted while he spoke.

"Oh, Al, don't…" Karen didn't want him to continue. His words were a hot blade piercing her heart.

"No, Karen, please, let me finish. You don't have to say anything. Just let me finish. I love you… I always did and I always will. I know that now. I want you back. Even the few minutes at a time I used to spend with you I did grudgingly. I was so busy… Well, that's done. I can't do it over again." He stubbed out the cigarette, his face twisted with the desire to find some way to tell Karen what he had learned and how much he wanted her. "I miss you, honey. Come back. I need you. The work, the school… they don't mean anything now. I'll beg, if you want me to."

"Don't!" Karen cried. Her emotions threatened to tear her apart. This was her Al, her Al, just the way he always should have been. And now it was too late! "Don't blame yourself! Please! I walked out…"

"What else could you do? You tried to tell me…"

"But don't you see? It's too late," Karen said quickly. "Too much has happened. With me. Pat and me…"

"It doesn't matter. That's what you have to believe! I think I understand what happened. It's not just that I forgive you, it's more that I want you to forgive me! Let's try again. I know…"

"It's too late, don't you understand? The kind of life I've led… You wouldn't even want me if you knew." Karen was near tears. It hurt to keep them inside.

"I don't care!" Allen spoke very clearly. She had to believe him! Sweat streamed from his brow. "Karen, before you hang up just listen to this. It's so important. After what I've done to us I'm in no position to expect much understanding from you. But, Karen, honey, I just want you to know that I'll wait forever if I have to. And if you come back…" His voice cracked slightly. "When you come back, it will be different. It will have to be a new start. We'll be different people. Karen, come back. I'll wait…"

"Allen! I have to go. Now. Don't say anything else, please… I can't take it…" Karen realized she was pleading. Yet she didn't want to hang up. His voice had a wonderfully warm sound.

"All right. Just one more thing. Do you still have your key?"

"Yes," Karen whispered weakly. She was dimly aware of Pat switching off the hot water tap for the short stand under the icy water she liked before ending her shower.

"Use it. Anytime. I'll be waiting and praying for the day you do."

Karen hung up slowly. She wiped the tears from her eyes and threw herself across the bed. She hoped Pat didn't question her. She wasn't up to it now.

But she didn't have to worry. Pat didn't even notice anything wrong when she came out of the bathroom. She was too excited over the day they had spent Karen didn't bother listening to her. She thought instead of the phone call. Life with Allen might have been a little dull, and, yes, he had been insensitive to her. He even freely admitted that now. But Al had never plunged her into a nightmare world from which there could be no return… Karen threw herself into the bathroom, adjusted the shower knobs, and stood limply under the droning water, crying bitterly for all that was forever lost to her.