"Granvort, The Discount Wizard" - читать интересную книгу автора (Mendel R E)

Granvort, the Discount Wizard by R. E. Mendel

* * * *

The King of Thysland was distraught. This would normally not be a major calamity as the King was often distraught and had a tendency to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. He had summoned his Prime Minister and his Minister of Finance for an emergency consultation.

As they entered the KingТs private chambers, they could not help but noticeЧbut made every effort to appear otherwiseЧthat he was still in his pajamas, even though it was well after noon.

Rolled up in the KingТs fist was the latest edition of The Royal Payne, ThyslandТs leading newspaper, which he violently shook at them. УHave you seen this morningТs paper?Ф

УYes, Your Highness, I read it this morning before I started work,Ф responded the Prime Minister, realizing that he had just pointed out to his king and master that most of the Kingdom had been working all morning rather than sitting around in their pajamas reading the newspaper.

Luckily the KingТs ire and general obliviousness shielded him from the implications of the remark. УIt says here that the Monarch of Thaghtland has recently brought a wizard into his court. This is an outrage! How can it be that a second ... no ... third rate kingdom like Thaghtland has a court wizard, while a superpower like Thysland no longer does?Ф

The Kingdoms of Thaghtland and Thysland were arch-rivals who competed directly against each other in the enchanted commodities market. While ThyslandТs riches were derived from its monopoly of the magic bean harvest, the mines of Thaghtland were the only source of pixie-dust. The competition was fierce and the two opposing kings loathed each other.

The Prime Minister rubbed his temples as inconspicuously as he could. УYour Majesty, we have been through this on many occasions, though it is certainly your right to raise it as often as you please. The cost of having a wizard in the employ of the royal court is quite prohibitive. Demand for their services are high while there are fewer and fewer qualified wizards graduating these days.Ф

The Finance Minister was a vain man who sincerelyЧand perhaps correctlyЧbelieved that he was much more intelligent and accomplished than the King. While many agreed with his assessment, they also repeatedly warned him that the future of his careerЧand for that matter his headЧrested entirely on the good graces of the King. Nonetheless, as Finance Minister, he had worked quite hard to ensure that the profits from the magic bean harvest were not needlessly squandered.

УYour Highness,Ф the Finance Minister began in a tone of voice that implied that he felt the King was a moron, Уthe royal budget has been finely balanced. The Royal Court is already over-staffed as it is, I cannot countenance any further expansion, especially with such an expensive position.Ф

The King was fully aware of the Finance MinisterТs lowly opinion of him and had wanted for a long time to remove himЧand his head. Nonetheless, he was widely regarded as a competent minister and any move against him would be interpreted as a petty and vindictive act. The King, however, prided himself on being a petty and vindictive man and was not prepared to remain patient indefinitely.

УNeed I remind you, gentlemen, that the role of the cabinet is to provide counsel to the Royal Family. It is my opinion, and thus the opinion of the Court, that your counsel is garbage and I have no interest in wasting any more time listening to your protestations. All that interests me is how quickly you can bring a wizard on staff. Good day.Ф

With that the King threw out his Prime Minister and Finance Minister. Exhausted from that display of decisiveness, he went to take a nap. Luckily he was still in his pajamas.

* * * *

A special meeting of the Cabinet was called, for the KingТs instructions could not have been more clear. The ministers had been called in at the last minute, unaware of the KingТs latest project. The Minister of Finance sat moping in the corner, as his perfectly balanced budget was about to be torn to shreds.

УColleagues,Ф began the Prime Minister to quiet down the gathered assembly, Уthe King, whose wise and benevolent reign has brought peace and prosperity to our beloved Kingdom of Thysland [Note: it was the procedure to introduce the KingТs ideas in this fashionЧa procedure introduced by the King, mind you] has decreed that a wizard will be found to serve in the Royal Court. The decision has been made emphatically, there will be no debate on the matter. We are only here to discuss how we will finance this new position.Ф

The Prime Minister was aware that there would be a multitude of opinions around the cabinet table. There were those ministers who had no question in their mind that the King was a certifiable dolt, but remained at their post to ensure that he did not bring ruin to the Kingdom. There were others who remained steadfastly loyal to the King, if only to ensure their stature and power remained undiminished. And there were those who shared the KingТs outrage that their arch-rival Thaghtland would enjoy the status and prestige as a wizard-equipped nation.

УI happen to concur with the KingТs assessment of the situation,Ф sniffed the Foreign Minister. УWe cannot allow a wizard-gap with Thaghtland. This imbalance must be addressed immediately.Ф

УAnd how are we to pay for this?Ф demanded the Finance Minister angrily, suddenly awoken from his funk. УThysland is the wealthiest nation in the known world, but our riches are continuously being squandered with these silly and extravagant projects. Did we really require a third moat-monster for the palace? Could we not have used yellow paint for the Yellow Brick Road instead of gold-leaf?Ф

УThysland is a great and powerful nation,Ф bellowed the Industry Minister, slamming his fist on the table. УI have no time for these small-minded, penny-pinching arguments. What good are riches if they cannot be spent ... richly?Ф

The Prime Minister sighed, betraying his general sense of fatigue and frustration. УI did not call this meeting for endless discussions. Finance Minister, what are the options for paying for this initiative?Ф

The Finance Minister, realizing that the battle was lost but perhaps the damage could be limited, unveiled an impressive-looking document filled with graphs and charts. УColleagues, my staff has come up with a number of options: first, we could dramatically slash your departmental budgets; second, we could raise taxes; and third we could consider a magician, rather than a wizard, as they tend to be cheaper.Ф

Many moments of awkward silence hung over the cabinet room. The Agriculture Minister was the first to speak. УThe population will simply not tolerate any further reduction of services or an increase in tax burdens. I think we all remember the unfortunate instance of the Cheese Tax.Ф

The ministers all nodded their heads in agreement as they recalled the ugly riots that had ensued. For two days, angry citizens pelted the Royal Palace with cheese. The palace gargoyles turned out to be lactose intolerant, which created an even uglier mess. More importantly, no minister was prepared to sacrifice any of their precious departmental budgets.