"Granvort, The Discount Wizard" - читать интересную книгу автора (Mendel R E)

УI fully understand,Ф declared Granvort cheerily. He rolled up his sleeves again and blasted lightning-like bolts from his fingertips. The Finance Minister was hit and transformed into a hamster.

The King looked impressed. УWell, that is more like it. Now turn him back.Ф

УTurn him back into what?Ф asked Granvort, not fully following the KingТs logic.

УInto my Minister of Finance!Ф yelled the King.

The Prime Minister had to physically place himself between the King and the wizard. The full implications of hiring an incompetent wizard were quickly becoming apparent to him.

The Prime Minister was able to convince the King to allow Granvort a probationary contract. The King agreed only on condition that the old wizard provide something spectacular in honour of the QueenТs upcoming birthday. With this agreement concluded, some nice crisp lettuce was found for the Minister of Finance.

* * * *

Deep underneath the Royal Palace were the Forbidden Catacombs, the ancient and long-unused home of the former wizards of Thysland. Granvort made his way down the precariously steep and creaky staircases. At the bottom of the seemingly endless staircase was an old and moldy wooden door. Carved in the middle of the door was an awful and fearsome gargoyle head. Granvort fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the set of keys provided to him by the PalaceТs Lock Master. Finding the key marked Gargoyle Head: Front Door, Granvort gingerly placed it into the GargoyleТs open mouth.

The GargoyleТs eyes glowed a terrible red and a deafening screech rang out as the door flew open, revealing the inner sanctum of the wizardТs chamber.

УI must remember to oil those hinges,Ф mumbled Granvort, admiring the lovely floral couch in the middle of the newly revealed room.

Placing his meager belongings onto the charming coffee table and stretching out on the lovely floral couch, Granvort began to ponder what he could do to win the KingТs favour. The QueenТs birthday was fast approaching, and he would have to do something special for herЧbut what?

Surveying the surprisingly spacious interior of the chamber, Granvort noticed a pile of musty and long-discarded books piled in a corner. Flipping through the pile, Granvort found his answer. Translating the ancient text written in a long-dead language, Granvort said to no one in particular, УHow to Create a Dragon: A Handy Do-It-Yourself Manual. ThatТs it! IТll create a dragon and present it to the Queen for her birthday.Ф

For a full week Granvort remained in his chambers, poring over the ancient manuscript. He did not sleep or eat, only taking short breaks to comment to himself how tired and hungry he was. Taking careful notes, Granvort prepared a list of the magical ingredients that he would require. There was only one place where he could obtain the ingredients: he would have to seek out the Enchanted Florist of the Enchanted Forest.

The Enchanted Florist, as his title indicated, lived in hermetic isolation deep within the treacherous woods of the Enchanted Forest. He was the sole supplier of many of the elements required to practice the black arts of magic and sorcery. His home was difficult to find and he was reputed to be quite unpleasant.

Musing out loud, Granvort assembled his plan. УI will simply transform myself into a graceful bird and fly quickly to the Enchanted Forest. Once there, I will use my trusty HikerТs Guide to the Enchanted Forest to find the Enchanted Florist and get what I require.Ф

A spectacular blast of light lit up the catacombs as Granvort transformed himself into a slug. Several brilliant and spectacular blasts of light later a cow ... with wings ... and a beard ... and a pointy hat emerged from the wizardТs chamber.

УClose enough,Ф Granvort declared merrily.

Many necks were craned in Thysland that evening as a flying winged cow was spotted flying east ... then west ... then northeast ... then south. Some were astonished to hear a faint voice through the clouds say, УI have no idea where IТm going.Ф

* * * *

Eventually Granvort made his way to the edge of the Enchanted Forest and after many, many attempts, returned to his normal state. Blocking access to the forest was a rapidly flowing brook quaintly known as the Bone Crushing and Drowning Brook. Across the brook was a flimsy wooden bridge, missing several crucial planks. On this side of the bridge was a gnarled and faded sign: The Enchanted Forest: Beware All Who EnterЧDangers Beyond Imagination Exist HereЧNo Camping.

Granvort peered nervously over the precarious bridge at the dark tangled woods on the other side. He had anticipated something a lot cheerier. Gulping, Granvort gingerly began to cross the bridge.

УWho dares to enter the Enchanted Forest?Ф a deep and thunderous disembodied voice bellowed from amidst the trees.

УTis I,Ф squeaked Granvort in a high-pitched voice that contrasted unfavourably with the deep voice emerging from the forest, УGranvort, Wizard of the Royal Court of ThyslandЧat least the probationary wizard, but IТm very confident that my contract will be renewedЧФ

Granvort was cut off by the deep and thunderous voice. УI am the Gatekeeper of the Enchanted Forest. What business have you here?Ф

УI seek the counsel of the Enchanted Florist,Ф Granvort replied, feigning bravado unconvincingly. УI wish only to meet with him briefly and IТll be on my way ... sir.Ф