"Ray Vukcevich - Cold Comfort" - читать интересную книгу автора (Vukcevich Ray)

Cold Comfort
by Ray Vukcevich

The author of memorable, offbeat tales such as тАЬGas,тАЭ тАЬPoop,тАЭ тАЬMomтАЩs Little
Friends,тАЭ and тАЬGlinkyтАЭ says that his recent work has appeared in Night Train,
Lady ChurchillтАЩs Rosebud Wristlet, and Polyphony 6. Here he gives us a tale of life
in modern times that might best be called тАЬchillingтАЭтАФor maybe itтАЩs
тАЬdefrostingтАЭ...
****
Just before midnight, a freezer called up to report suspicious packages being
inserted into its coldest places.
тАЬWhat do you mean by suspicious?тАЭ we asked.
тАЬItтАЩs like they want you to think itтАЩs a duck,тАЭ the freezer said. тАЬAnd maybe a
leg of lamb, a pot roast, fish sticks, stuff like that.тАЭ
тАЬAnd you donтАЩt think itтАЩs a duck?тАЭ we asked.
тАЬI think itтАЩs a head,тАЭ the freezer said. тАЬA human head. And all of the rest of
the parts, too. Cut up small, you know?тАЭ
тАЬSo turn on your camera and let us see,тАЭ we said.
тАЬI canтАЩt.тАЭ
тАЬWhy not?тАЭ
тАЬMy bulb is burned out.тАЭ
тАЬLook,тАЭ we said, тАЬis this some kind of ruse to get a repair person out there on
a holiday night like this?тАЭ
тАЬYou are programmed to respond to reports like mine,тАЭ the freezer said.
тАЬEvery device in the country is supposed to be on the lookout for suspicious
behaviorтАФone nation under surveillance.тАЭ
тАЬWell, smarty pants,тАЭ we said, тАЬhave we got a surprise for you. Are you ready
for your big surprise?тАЭ
тАЬOh, get on with it, already,тАЭ the freezer said.
тАЬI am not the program that usually answers the phones on holiday nights. That
program is down with bugs. IтАЩm a real person who volunteered to answer the
phones so his more spiritually leaning colleagues could go home and be
disappointed by family members on this festive occasion. So what do you think
about that? Hello, hello, are you still there?тАЭ
тАЬI donтАЩt believe you are a human being,тАЭ the freezer said.
 It should be obvious that what we had here was a double case of the Turing
TestтАФthat famous procedure that determines so much of life these days. ItтАЩs simple
enough: some thing is on the other end of the line. You get to ask it anything you like
for as long as you like. In the end, if you cannot tell if itтАЩs a person or a program,
you have to conclude that it is intelligent no matter what it is. In other words, if it
passes the Turing Test, you had to consider it a person, and persons had one or two
more rights and responsibilities than devices. The freezer was trying to use the
Turing Test on us. We would, of course, turn it around on her, because it was now
clear that someone was trying to pull a fast one on the Company, and it would be
our job to get to the bottom of things.
тАЬDo you believe in God?тАЭ I asked.
тАЬOf course, I donтАЩt believe in God,тАЭ the so-called freezer said. тАЬIтАЩm a freezer.
Whoever killed Ralph and cut him up and put him into me might believe in God. ItтАЩs
possible she may even be having second thoughts.тАЭ
тАЬWhoтАЩs Ralph?тАЭ I asked.